Venus Talks as if She’s on Another Planet

Responding to a claim by Venus Williams that she does not watch the news and therefore had no comment on the tragic situation in and around New Orleans, Greg Cote of the Miami Herald wrote, “It’s a wonder she can play tennis as well as she does wearing blinders like that.”

The columnist continued, “Venus thinks Iraq is the answer to the question, ‘What do you do with the new dresses in your clothing line?’ ”

Trivia time: Now that Jerry Rice is retired, who is the NFL’s oldest active player?

Tough press: British newspapers take their soccer very personally, and after England’s 1-0 loss to Northern Ireland in a World Cup qualifier, Coach Sven-Goran Eriksson was blistered.

From the Mirror: “Eriksson looked shaken. He should do too. He should feel that he has let down England, should feel that he has reached the point of no return.”

Nice try: Saturday’s game between No. 2 Texas and No. 4 Ohio State is the hottest ticket in Columbus, and fans will try anything to score one.

Steve Snapp, the Buckeyes’ sports information director, told the Bozeman Daily Chronicle that he got a call from someone claiming to be a former classmate.

“The guy said, ‘You probably don’t remember me, but we went to first grade together,’ ” Snapp said.

“Then he said, ‘Can you help me find a ticket?’ I told him, ‘You’re right. I don’t remember you. And I can’t help you get a ticket either.’ ”

Road trip! LSU receiver Skyler Green welcomes the Tigers’ change in venue from Baton Rouge to Tempe for Saturday’s game against Arizona State, saying it’ll offer temporary relief for him and the many displaced relatives staying in his two-bedroom campus apartment.

“There are three people sleeping on all the beds, some people on blowup beds and a few on egg-crate mattresses,” Green told the Washington Post. “It’s almost like a homeless shelter.... I guess it kind of is a homeless shelter.”

Ode to Lance: Responding to news that Lance Armstrong a) has become engaged to Sheryl Crow, and b) may not be retiring after all, John Ryan of the San Jose Mercury News suggested that Crow change the title of one of her hit songs to “Every Day Is a Winding Road of Allegations and Innuendo and Post-Career Second-Guessing.”

Only in New York: What does a headline writer come up with when Met ace Pedro Martinez has yet another poor performance, this time against John Smoltz and the Atlanta Braves? If that person works for the New York Post it’s this: “Pedro’s Slip Showing.”

Trivia answer: Doug Flutie, backup quarterback for the New England Patriots, is 42.

And finally: Chicago Bear pass-rusher Adewale Ogunleye claims, “Our defense is good enough to carry this team to the playoffs.”

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti counters, “Alas, the offense is bad enough to carry the Bears to the No. 1 pick in the April draft, where Matt Leinart will be ready and waiting.”