On Super Bowl Sunday, Some Fumbles to Break the Tension

Well, it’s the day of the big football game -- and time for my annual warning to Super Bowl fans. Don’t be fooled into attending an event with a similar name, such as one held a few years ago (see photo).

Super Bowl (cont.): Here’s another piece of advice: Go easy on the food and booze today. After all, as David Chan of L.A. noticed, a USA Today newspaper poll found, shockingly enough, that 100% of Americans are overweight (see accompanying).

Another sign of overeating? In a local telephone directory, Barbara Katz of Lakewood saw a somewhat eerie spot for an ambulance listing (see accompanying).

Adventures in the English language: Florence Lousen of Glendale chanced upon an awkwardly phrased offer to both two- and four-footed beings (see accompanying).

Adventures in English (II): I heard a TV anchorperson say that “police want to get their hands on the men who have been groping workers” in Manhattan Beach. Maybe “apprehend” would have been better than “get their hands on” ...

Alternate Oscars: For the category of movie that “Most Lived Up to Its Title” in 2005, Hollywood Life magazine nominated these misbegotten efforts:

* “Undiscovered,” with Ashlee Simpson.

* “Cursed,” with Christina Ricci.

* “Derailed,” with Jennifer Aniston.

* “Alone in the Dark,” with Christian Slater.

All the amenities except a roof: Minny Koppel of Huntington Beach was among those readers struck by the unique living arrangements found in one ad (see accompanying).

School daze: Good thing for USC’s recruiting efforts that the school has relaxed some of the campus rules of a century ago. USC Trojan Family Magazine says that no-no’s back then included:

* “Wearing corduroy trousers -- except for juniors and seniors.”

* “Leaving town without the knowledge and consent of the university president.”

* “Engaging in loud conversation, loud laughing, wrestling, jumping or any other activity that would make unnecessary noise at the university.”

* “Contracting debts without the knowledge and consent of their parents or guardians.”

Ooh L.A. L.A.! Hope you didn’t miss H.G. Reza’s article in The Times about a local counterfeiting ring that was foiled when one member paid for a three-hour lap dance with $400 in bogus bills. NBC’s Jay Leno commented that, in L.A., a three-hour lap dance constitutes “a long-term relationship.”

miscelLAny: An item here about the misspelling of “knotty” pine reminded Phil Painchaud of a radio gag from the 1930s. Charlie McCarthy, the wooden dummy of ventriloquist Edgar Bergen, was said to have been the offspring of “a Naughty Pine and a Virgin Oak.”

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.