Suit Has an Air of Absurdity About It

In Sunday’s Chicago Tribune, Mike Downey wrote about what he calls the No. 1 sports story of 2006 -- the $832-million lawsuit filed last week by Allen Heckard of Portland, Ore., against Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight in which Heckard claims to have been harassed because he looks like Jordan.

“Well, I can empathize in a way,” Downey wrote. “I wish I had $832 million for every time somebody came up to me on the street and said, ‘Hey, bald guy! Are you Michael Jordan?’

“I usually stand there and argue that I am barely 6 feet tall in my Air Downeys, and that I am older than Mike, thicker than Mike, whiter than White and poorer than Mike.”

Trivia time: How long have penalty kicks been used to determine the winner of a tie game in World Cup competition?

More from Downey: The Tribune columnist points out that the plaintiff in the lawsuit against Jordan is 51 and stands about 6 feet, and Jordan is 43 and 6-6.

“Jordan must be laughing his Hanes off,” Downey wrote.

More on the lawsuit: Randy Hill of Foxsports.com noted that the plaintiff alleges that looking like Mike has saddled him with a level of professional expectations he has been unable to live up to. Added Hill: “For the record, the plaintiff is not Vince Carter.”

Just a coincidence: Lance Armstrong, for once available this time of year, served as the host of the 14th ESPY Awards, which were held Wednesday night at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood and televised Sunday night on ESPN.

Armstrong won his fourth consecutive ESPY as male athlete of the year.

“It wasn’t rigged, I promise,” Armstrong told the audience.

A past coincidence: Tiger Woods won the ESPY as the 2006 male golfer of the year. A few years ago, when Woods was presented one of the 17 ESPYs he has won, the presenter was actor James Woods.

“We’re kissing cousins,” Tiger said.

A winner and a loser: Vince Young and Matt Leinart accepted the ESPY at this year’s show for best game -- Texas’ victory over USC in the Rose Bowl.

“I didn’t know they gave an award for losing,” Leinart said.

Tough to beat: Michael Hiestand of USA Today claims track star Evelyn Ashford holds the all-time record for “craziest acceptance.” At the first ESPY Awards show in 1993, Ashford, according to Hiestand, said her ESPY “meant more than winning an Olympic gold medal.”

Looking back: On this day in 1941, Joe DiMaggio’s hitting streak of 56 games came to an end in front of 67,000 at Cleveland.

Trivia answer: Since 1982. The first time penalty kicks were used in the championship game was 1994, when Brazil beat Italy at the Rose Bowl.

And finally: Jay Leno, on the lawsuit against Jordan: “Let me tell you something. If this suit holds up, Brad Pitt will be hearing from my attorney.”

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Larry Stewart can be reached a larry.stewart@latimes.com.