Introducing ‘stupid prostitute tricks’

The stupidest criminal trick of the last month, cited in San Diego Magazine, involves the woman who flagged down two men in a car in Oceanside, exposed a breast and revealed she was a prostitute. She jumped into their car, explaining she had to get off the street because there were so many cops in the area. The two men, plainclothes officers, arrested her.

Unrelated item! On one website for carrying devices, Louis Hirsch of Agoura Hills noticed the amazing number of uses for sports lingerie (see accompanying).

On the road: In Alaska, Neil Dixon of Venice found some dueling signs -- dueling being the operative word in the case of one warning (see photo).

Shocking: How many sheep had to give their lives to make a tortoise footstool on sale, wondered Lillian Koslover of Redondo Beach (see accompanying).

Name game: James Toledano of Santa Ana points out that Patrick Wren is an administrator in Torrance’s animal control department. And Dan Olincy of L.A. informs me that an associate dean at the Stanford Medical School is Neil Gesundheit. Thank you.

An ear for an ear: A short, surrealistic film running at movie theaters shows a young man speaking with his girlfriend on a cellphone when he is interrupted by movie director Sidney Pollack, who has invaded his home. The latter chastises him for a lack of feeling and other aspects of his phone delivery. The young man, naturally, is stunned.

The message from Hollywood: We won’t interrupt your phone calls; don’t let your cellphones interrupt our films in movie theaters.

I was reminded of an incident illustrating the same how-do-you-like-it? theme, which was related to me years ago by Bill Eaton, the late proprietor of the downtown Redwood bar/restaurant. A customer had lately been drunk and abusive in his bar, resisting efforts to leave when he got out of hand. The fiery Eaton found out where the man worked, walked into his office and started yelling at the top of his lungs. He asked the man how he liked someone disrupting his business.

I completely forgot about asking him if the guy straightened out his act, so relieved was I that Eaton wasn’t talking about me.

miscelLAny: UCLA football isn’t exactly the talk of the town these days. When Times sportswriter Larry Stewart’s Arcadia home was burglarized the other day, the items taken included a TV set, jewelry, a digital camera and cash. In plain sight and left behind were a press credential, two game tickets and a parking pass for today’s Washington State-UCLA game.

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.