What’s this? A weekend without eating sushi?

Calendar Weekend has a celebrity feature called “My Favorite Weekend.” There was one week in which the celebrity was one of the briefcase-holding models on “Deal or No Deal” [Sept. 14]. It seems you are running out of real celebrities.

So I thought I’d post my favorite weekend.

Friday I like to get an early start and hit the cockfights in Tijuana. I enjoy the action and it’s fun to see all the young couples out on their first dates.

From there I’ll go to the Hotel del Coronado for a swim to wash any blood off.

Saturday morning I power walk from Westwood to Malibu, get the paper, then power walk home. Along the way I may stop at an artist friend’s house and pose for a bust.

For lunch I’ll meet some ex-car-thief friends of mine at Bob’s Big Boy in Toluca Lake. Their Big Boy hamburger is an L.A. classic, but I order their Super Big Boy hamburger because that one has meat in it.

After lunch I amble over to the massage parlor in Inglewood for some pampering at negotiated rates.

Once that ends happily I head back home to work on my “project.” It’s been a 10-year labor of love. I’m assembling a table I bought at IKEA in 1996.

Then I’ll invite some close friends I met on MySpace over and we’ll eat, discuss the theater, sample fine wines and toss water balloons at the useless neighborhood watch patrol car.

Early Sunday morning: For breakfast I’m cutting down on eggs so it’s the Shangri-La motel bar for a Ramos Gin Fizz. Those eggs can kill you. Next I steal a horse and play polo at Will Rogers State Park.

I love star-watching, so for lunch I zip out to the Motion Picture Country Home and Hospital in Woodland Hills. Last week I saw the remaining cast members of “McHale’s Navy.”

Sunday afternoon is culture time. You can’t be well informed if you don’t read. Currently I’m poring through Helen Reddy’s autobiography.

Then I use the neighbor’s Jacuzzi if he’s not home, watch “Celebrity Fit Club” and it’s time for bed. The great thing about L.A. is that it’s not just me. Everyone has weekends like this.

KEN LEVINE

Los Angeles

Levine is a television comedy writer (including for “MASH,” “Cheers” and “Frasier”)