Gives new meaning to ‘drive chart’

Ooooo-klahoma, where the wins come sweepin’ down the plain ... followed closely by the hot pursuit breeze of player scandals, internal investigations, NCAA probes, and, possibly, probation.

Call it the “Full Switzer.”

The Sooners football program does have that retro look, harkening back to those heady Barry Switzer days when the soothing sound of Uzis being fired off dorm roofs gently rocked players to sleep.

The Big Red Sports/Imports scandal continues to leave Sooners officials crimson-faced. Brad McRae, the former manager at the car dealership, already had been accused of paying players for not working. Now comes a Dallas Morning News report that players joke about how Big Red was the Big Easy and claim they took home cars.

Logan Brosky, who roomed with Sooners player Jermaine Hardison, said players told him, “They’d just sit there and not do anything and let [others] do all the detailing. They’d clock in and go eat.”

It’s worth noting that Hardison was a walk-on player.

Makes you pine for those innocent days when all a walk-on did was get beat up in practice and take exams for the first team.

Trivia time

How many national titles have the Sooners been denied because of NCAA probation?

Try LoJack maybe?

McRae has denied letting Hardison take home cars.

“If he did, he stole ‘em,” McRae said.

Well, if he did, then Hardison apparently could be the lead in the “Gone in Sixty Seconds” remake.

“Every two to three weeks he had a different car,” Brosky said.

Under self-imposed penalties, Oklahoma officials have banned McRae from contact with the university until August 2011. So mark your calendars.

The Sooners’ next national title: 2013.

The Sooners’ next NCAA investigation: 2015.

It’s just some simple green

J.D. Quinn, one of the Sooners players kicked off the team for taking McRae’s money, is still perplexed by the dismissal, telling the Tulsa World, “All I did was take cash.”

Ah, the defense used by many a congressman when asked about Jack Abramoff.

Stick to the ‘Fax

When announcer Chip Caray said Atlanta Braves starter Chuck James seemed to have “good stuff” Thursday, Joe Simpson, his broadcast partner, wandered down memory lane.

“That reminds me of a 1965 Dodgers-Cubs game in which Glenn Beckert made a first-inning out against Sandy Koufax. As he walked back to the bench, Cubs teammate Ron Santo asked, ‘What does he have?’ Beckert said, ‘Aw, he has nothing.’ That was the day Koufax pitched his perfect game.”

In Beckert’s defense, it did take Koufax more than 27 pitches to get the job done.

Total snow job

The New Hampshire Fisher Cats, a double-A baseball team, tried a different promotion this week, offering free tickets to anyone who shoveled snow off their field so the team could play Friday. One fan showed up, according to WBZ-TV. No word on whether the team has plans for a “Do the Laundry Night.”

Trivia answer

Half of one. The Sooners dominated in 1975, going 11-0, and were crowned champion by the Associated Press. USC was named champion by United Press International, which did not recognize teams on probation.

And finally

Texas Tech Coach Bob Knight, who has lobbied to get ESPN talker Dick Vitale into the Basketball Hall of Fame, was out fishing when AP called about the latest snub.

Knight’s son, Pat, did issue a storm warning, saying the news would “blow my dad’s mind. I know he’ll be disappointed. He’ll be a little more than upset.”

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chris.foster@latimes.com