This property is still a fixer-upper

Donald T. Sterling

Sterling World Plaza

Beverly Hills, Calif. 90210

Dear Donald,

I’m sorry I’ve been out of touch, but we don’t get much time between developments in the Kobe Bryant story.

As you may have heard, Kobe is trying to find a team that meets all his requirements: glamour market for marketing cachet, promising roster for a chance to win a title.

Apart from the team he’s on, I mean.

But enough about Kobe for five minutes, how are you?

I know, you just want to win.

Actually, you had to know that would be problematic for the Clippers without Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston. Didn’t someone explain that before the season?

Oh, they did and you still just want to win. That must be why you chased that referee up and down the sideline. Luckily, Leroy Richardson just thought it was some deranged fan, which is why you haven’t heard from the league office.

I know you could use some cheering up and I have great news: Since we don’t know how this Kobe thing will turn out, the town could be up for grabs!Not that the town would count it as such great news if the local fortunes were suddenly up to you.

I know, for two seasons you were great. You were so taken with Mike Dunleavy, you all but handed him the basketball operation. When Mike said pay, you paid, which is how Chris Kaman got his $52-million deal, not to mention how Mike got his $21-million deal.

I understand it was upsetting when Kaman plopped right into the tank last season, followed by your entire team.

Unfortunately, there’s a difference between your two fields of endeavor. When you buy a building, it doesn’t know it. It just sits there and appreciates. People are more complicated, and we’re not even sure if Chris is from this planet. In any event, he’s even more complicated than that.

Happily, wherever he’s from, they have really skilled big people who are athletic to boot, even if they don’t look it, and it can take them years to figure out our world.

I can imagine what you went through -- and what Dunleavy must have heard all last season:

I paid $52 million for THIS guy?

It was clear the situation called for dramatic measures, the return of -- you. I remember when we talked at mid-season and you insisted Corey Maggette, who had one more season on his contract and was then at odds with Mike, would not be traded. In other words, Mike’s cachet was ebbing.

By this season with Elton and Shaun gone, it looked like you were staring into that old abyss.

Key players hurt or on expiring contracts? You taking charge? For those of us who could remember the Sports Arena days, it was very deja vu.

Hello darkness, my old friend!

Personally, I was looking at the end of the lugubrious era in which I had to write all those nice things, which wasn’t why I started corresponding with you.

In other words, I was back in business!

Fortunately for you, Kaman did a 180 on opening night this fall. If nothing else works out for this squad -- as it hasn’t since the fourth game -- your prospects have improved dramatically.

If Elton and Shaun make it back, you’ll be close to where you were two springs ago when you got within one win of the West finals!

This is the point where I tell you what you have to do, and, after doing it your way, you tell me, “I don’t know what you were talking about.”

Your professionals, Dunleavy and GM Elgin Baylor, should make these decisions.

With Corey’s contract running out, he’ll want serious money -- figure at least $10 million per -- and if you don’t pay him, he’ll be gonzo like the thousand Clippers who preceded him.

This is an important point, so I’ll try to make it clear:

“Your” is a personal pronoun, referring to you.

“Professionals” is a noun, describing one who has experience and expertise in his field.

“Should” is an adverb, indicating that the action of the verb will be appropriate.

“Make” is the verb, indicating what it is that the professionals should do.

“These” is an article.

“Decisions” is the object of the verb, describing what it is that should be made.

Keeping Corey was OK, although not because you like him. He and Mike have worked it out and he’s playing great so this will work -- if you sign him.

No sending team President Andy Roeser out with a long face to explain you can’t go over the luxury tax threshold because -- well, you just can’t.

You’ve banked tens of millions since moving into Staples. If you weren’t committed to signing Corey, why is he still here? Of course, I know, you’re still you -- it’s what I love about you -- so whatever you do, I’ll understand.

If worse comes to worse -- in other words, if this turns out well for your team -- I’ll just consider it my way of giving something back to the game.

As usual, if you want me to explain anything else, like who Kobe Bryant is, I’m always here for you.

Your biggest fan,

Mark

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mark.heisler@latimes.com