Get ready for a lot more whining from Bryant

BULLETIN: Kiddy Up gets his butt kicked, finishes sixth but still wins $50,000 for Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

Probably only a matter of time until the Kobester demands better players on the U.S. basketball team that will surround him later this summer in preparing for the Olympics down the road.

Wonder how Elton Brand will take that.

The way things are going, I wouldn’t put it past the Kobester to also ask to be encircled by bigger stars at courtside, replacing Jack Nicholson with someone who at least has won an Oscar this decade.

As you know, the Kobester thinks his present teammates are crummy. He wants to win so badly he can no longer play for the Lakers. In fact, it’s pretty well accepted by some fans that he’s the only player in the NBA who wants to win so badly, and so he should be traded for that reason.

After all, as some surmise, he really deserves to play for a winner, and that can’t be said for anyone else in the NBA.

The great competitor wants to play for the New York Knicks or the Chicago Bulls because it’d be easier to make it to the NBA Finals a la LeBron James. That’s too bad. I was kind of hoping the Lakers would finally get Kevin Garnett -- sending the Kobester to Minnesota in exchange. He’s already got a fur coat.

If Bryant stays with the Lakers, and I can already picture the standing ovation the baby will get before the team’s first home game, Andrew Bynum is probably history. If the Lakers insist on keeping the Kobester, you know they’ll have to appease him, and so Bynum becomes the obvious sacrificial lamb.

For the Kobester, it’s all about winning now, and right now everything is all about the Kobester.

“Not listening to Kobe Bryant is a dangerous proposition,” ESPN’s Ric Bucher was saying on the Mason & Ireland radio show the other day, and these days when Bucher speaks he’s usually reading from a script prepared by the Kobester.

It’s all part of the Kobester’s campaign to keep the pressure on the Lakers with friendly media and sports-talk radio insisting he’s got it right, and the Lakers’ front office would’ve never thought of trying to improve had Bryant not mentioned it.

Lakers fans believe the Kobester asked the Lakers to trade for Ron Artest, Jason Kidd, Carlos Boozer and Baron Davis, but obviously Mitch Kupchak thought it best the Lakers remain a crummy team.

There are reasons why each deal wasn’t made, but since he has chosen not to clue in the public, Kupchak makes an ideal punching bag for Bryant.

Bryant and Kupchak met Friday, and Kupchak declined to say what was said, but it’s a pretty good guess he told the Kobester, “I’m doing my best,” and Bryant said, “No you’re not,” and Kupchak said, “Yes I am,” and Bryant replied, “No you’re not....”

Kupchak also probably said, “We’re not going to trade you,” and Bryant said, “Yes you are,” and Kupchak said, “No we’re not,” and Bryant said, “Yes you are. Just ask Ric Bucher.”

And so it goes, a tug-of-war where Bynum eventually loses and Lakers fans keep the Kobester, which brings us to the end of the summer and Bryant addressing the media. Maybe it’ll be August in Las Vegas when the Olympic players gather, or just before training camp.

“I’m glad things worked out,” Bryant will probably begin. “Like you, I’m excited about the upcoming season now that Smush Parker won’t be here. As you know, I love the Lakers, and you know how much loyalty means to me.

“I’m going to miss Andrew, of course. But to get a good player, you have to give up one and no one was going to take Brian Cook or Sasha what’s his name.

“I like what we’ve done to improve and I think we can move on to the business of selling more jerseys. I’m looking forward to shooting a lot again and playing with [fill in the name of the big-time player the Lakers get for Bynum], so long as he passes me the ball.

“Of course, I’ll let you know what I really think of everyone after the season is over.”

EVERY ONCE in a while you come across an athlete who is both engaging and infuriating, smart and dumb, charming and yet so angry and imposing.

But the question now is just how many strikes do you get in baseball and will Milton Bradley get another at-bat? Bradley has whiffed in Cleveland, Los Angeles and now Oakland. The A’s traded him to Kansas City, but the deal was canceled because Bradley said he was injured.

A week from now he’ll probably feel better when baseball rules allow him to sign with any team in the league. Bradley must think someone is going to sign him. He’s probably right.

AT FIRST Major League Baseball was saying no two guys as old and slow as Jeff Kent and Luis Gonzalez, who have a combined age of 178 years and 358 days, had hit consecutive triples in the last 50 years. Then the league realized they came against Tampa Bay, so it really was no big deal.

Sorry, that’s 78 years and 358 days -- an understandable mistake if you’ve seen them up close.

IN THE same week that had Galaxy President Alexi Lalas calling the MLS a better brand of soccer than that overseas while also maintaining David Beckham will be bigger here than Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods, Honda announced from its L.A. headquarters it was ending its 12-year sponsorship of the MLS.

SPEAKING OF irrelevant sports, you’ve just got to love the Kings, who took the 26th-ranked North American skater with the fourth pick in the NHL draft. All you have to do is just trust that the Kings know what they’re doing.

TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Larry Byrne:

“Can’t believe you are getting this giddy about Kiddy Up. Remember, like Barbaro, it’s just a horse.”

It’s like they say at the track, though, I got a live one.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.