If only the winner then faded away

and there are times when ESPN seems convinced it is -- which irritating, aggravating, overexposed and overstayed-their-welcome celebrities would be favored to reach the Final Four?

Paris Hilton, whose four-corner slow-down tactics have inexplicably turned her 15 minutes of fame into a fearsome dynasty?

Ryan Seacrest, who always promises to step out but never keeps his word?

Ann Coulter, who ought to be easier to shut down since she can only go to her right?

The Baltimore Sun is asking readers to submit their bracket picks, round by round, for the 2007 NCAA (National Celebrity Annoyance Assn.) championship. The newspaper instructs participants to “vote only once each round -- or more often if you really feel strongly about it.”

The Sun’s top-seeded from each region:

* Not Them Again! Division: Hilton, easily the field favorite.

* Talking Head Division: Robert Novak, who, “despite some troubles this year, is supremely confident, as usual,” the Sun writes.

* Can’t Seem to Shut Up Division: Donald Trump, who has thus far fought off all challenges to fire himself.

* Way, Way Overexposed Division: Peyton Manning, heavily favored in his first-round matchup against 16th-seeded Barbaro.

Writes the Sun: “Leave it to the ubiquitous Peyton Manning -- Super Bowl-winning Indianapolis Colts quarterback who shills for MasterCard, Sprint, Gatorade and Reebok, among others -- to beat a dead horse.”

Trivia time

Novak has described himself as “a hopeless basketball junkie.” His favorite college team plays a first-round NCAA game today. Name that team.

‘Around the Horn’ guys were robbed

Key first-round matchups in the Sun’s tournament include:

* Britney Spears (seeded No. 3) vs. Jessica Simpson (seeded 14th): “Pre-tournament head-shaving saw Britney catapult in the seedings and her multiple rehab attempts all but ensure she will have more than enough momentum to handle Jessica.”

* Simon Cowell (seeded No. 2) vs. Howard Stern (seeded 15th): “Simon has the offensive power to go all the way, but Howard’s no slouch either.”

* Mel Gibson (seeded No. 3) vs. Tom Cruise (seeded 14th): “It has been a banner past year for both, and when the Christian with a temper goes up against the couch-jumping Scientologist, expect passion to be in the air. Will Mel be Cruise-ified, or will it be risky business for Tom?”

The Sun contest rules state that “No prizes, cash, deep truths or significance are involved, nor should any be inferred.... Remember, celebrity is fleeting. It’s just sometimes not fleeting enough.”

All aboard the Badger Boat

The blog ChicksDigTheLongBall.org breaks down the NCAA brackets according to mascots and nicknames, resulting in the following findings: Ten teams are named after fighters or soldiers, including USC’s Trojans.

Eight teams are “Groups of Unruly People” -- Devils (Central Connecticut and Duke), Fighting (Illinois and Notre Dame), Mean (North Texas), Raiders (Wright State and Texas Tech) and Rebels (Nevada Las Vegas).

Five teams are Wildcats -- Arizona, Davidson, Kentucky, Villanova, Weber State.

Four teams are “Aquatic Animals” -- Badgers (Wisconsin), Ducks (Oregon), Gators (Florida) and Terrapins (Maryland).

E-mailed response to the list has noted that Badgers are not aquatic animals and that the blogger likely confused them with Beavers.

Technically that is true. It’s so hard to get Badgers to sit still while trying to fit them with those little life jackets.

Trivia answer

Maryland.

And finally

Sen. John McCain of Arizona has listed his brackets on his campaign website. Not surprisingly, his picks are conservative -- he has the No. 1-seeded teams in each region reaching the Final Four, with North Carolina winning it all.

McCain, a Republican and presidential candidate, also shows himself to be more realist than idealist. He has Arizona advancing to the second round and losing there to Florida.

mike.penner@latimes.com