Trojans’ misery needs the company

Today is Tough-to-Take Tuesday in Trojan Land.

The horse mopes. Oats don’t taste the same.

The day before was Mighty-Miserable Monday, preceded by Sad-and-Still-Shocked Sunday.

All because of Slapped-by-Stanford Saturday.

In this time of pain, our Trojans brethren need to be rallied around. Loyalists of teams that win all the time need therapy every once in awhile too, you know.

This will not be an easy recovery. It will take time. Deals on new and used cars in Orange County may not be forthcoming for weeks.

One proposal would be a “Take a Trojan to Work Day.” Lunch included. Just get all the sharp objects off your desk beforehand and make sure they don’t put little drops of anything in their soup.

Spend the day talking about other miserable things, such as the Dodgers, Angels, Bruins, Lakers and Clippers. That should make them feel better. They’ll know they’re not out there alone. Shared pain is easier pain.

Don’t bring up the Ducks. They won’t be able to handle that. The Kings are OK. Like everybody else around here, they’ll have no idea what sport that is.

Eventually, they will want to talk it out. Denial is best conquered when faced head on.

Yes, there is now a chance they won’t get to go to the big championship bowl game, rent nice hotel rooms, have great parties and get to wave their fingers in a V shape on national TV. Encourage them to think positive, to realize that, in this year of college football powerhouses, South Florida and Cincinnati could still, conceivably, stumble.

No, John David Booty may not win this year’s Heisman Trojan Trophy, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.

Keep reminding them that these are just college kids, that the games they play -- in front of about a million people in the stands each year and many millions more on TV -- are only games. Dismiss any cynicism about whether pro football is only played on Sundays. Stress the math and psychology classes.

Get through the bad stuff as quickly as you can. Debunk the concept that the Trojans were beaten by a bunch of horn-rimmed glasses on their way to calculus class. Point out that there must have been a handful of Stanford players who got a B in something along the way.

Cite the law of averages. Make sure they know the rumor, still unconfirmed, that the Stanford quarterback missed a biophysics study hall earlier this fall.

Pretty soon they’ll see how hard it is to beat a bunch of scoundrels like that. They’ll feel much better. No Cardinal sin, losing to these guys.

Ease their minds on the inevitable fears that things are unraveling. For example, it is not true that Pete Carroll is being forced to give up part of his job as College President/Football Coach. None other than his assistant, Steven Sample, was quoted on that just the other day.

Remind them that it could have been much worse. Jim Healy could still be alive and doing his daily radio show and they would have had to listen to days and weeks of “Brain Surgeon” stuff.

And who knows? On an occasion like this, Healy might have even dragged out the old University of Spoiled Children stuff too, which is so unfair and distracting when it gets into cocktail party conversation at black-tie fundraisers.

Most of all, be there for them when the inevitable sarcastic sports columnist weighs in. They need to know these Dr. Bills are everywhere, wasting newsprint.

True Trojans know the planets will be back in alignment soon and the collective score for games against future Stanfords will be something like Trojans 1,025, Pencil-Neck Geeks 6 (two field goals).

Tell them they can bet the farm on it.

In the end, the best results will come from formal support groups, sitting in pregame circles, holding hands and telling each other to fight on.

Throwing darts at a photo of Paul Hackett will also work.

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Bill Dwyre can be reached at bill.dwyre@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Dwyre, go to latimes.com/dwyre.