This isn’t the way to catch on

What American professional football looked like Sunday in England: New York Giants over the Miami Dolphins, bloody awful.

(English football teams play in the rain all time. The New York Giants and the Miami Dolphins acted as if a little moisture had turned the Wembley Stadium field into the moon’s surface. American football teams are allowed to touch the ball with their hands. Perplexed Brits want to know: How were the Giants able to win, 13-10, while completing only eight forward passes for 59 yards?)

What American professional football looked like in New England: Washington Redskins, awfully bloodied.

(Good thing the NFL didn’t export this game to London. Isn’t Joe Gibbs supposed to be a legendary coach? His team lost to the New England Patriots, 52-7. Aren’t Americans supposed to be known for the concept of fair play? Patriots Coach Bill Belichick displayed loutish pour-it-on tendencies for the second consecutive week, keeping Tom Brady in the game to sling passes around the field and run a successful fourth-and-one sneak with a 38-point fourth-quarter lead.)

What was that about American football being such a wide-open, high-scoring sport compared with the English version (a.k.a. “soccer”)?

On the eighth Sunday of this NFL season, 13 teams -- more than half of those that played -- scored one touchdown or fewer. Two (the Oakland Raiders and New York Jets) produced only field goals. Eleven others put the ball in the end zone only once.

This included four winning teams and three winning quarterbacks who completed eight or fewer passes.

Eli Manning was eight for 22 for 59 yards for the Giants in a performance that did as much to sell the NFL in England as David Beckham did this summer to sell Major League Soccer in America.

Vince Young was six for 14 for 42 yards for the Tennessee Titans, his worst performance as an NFL starter. His team still won, 13-9, because his team a) received two field goals from Rob Bironas (he had eight last week); b) received a career-high 133 yards rushing from LenDale White; and c) played the Oakland Raiders.

Quinn Gray (no relation to Earl Grey) was seven for 16 for 100 yards for the Jacksonville Jaguars, who still somehow managed to win at Tampa Bay, 24-23. Not to say Gray’s first NFL start lacked for highlights, but this is what the Associated Press game report had to say of his debut:

“One of his best plays came in the third quarter when he fumbled in his own end zone and crawled out to the one-yard line to avoid a safety.”

Two other one-touchdown wonders included:

The Detroit Lions, who predictably were unable to duplicate the 34-point fourth-quarter outburst they managed at home against the Chicago Bears in Week 4. During the rematch at Soldier Field, the Lions scored three points in the fourth quarter. And zero points in the first quarter. And zero points in the third quarter.

They still won, 16-7, largely because Brian Griese, who might not be the answer for the Bears at quarterback after all, threw passes for interceptions four times.

The Buffalo Bills, who saved their best for last, or their last for best, or something like that. With the Bills holding a 6-3 lead late in the fourth quarter, and 76,688 fans at Giants Stadium wondering just what they did to deserve it, Buffalo broke it open by breaking out that old reliable: an 85-yard touchdown strike from J.P. Losman to Lee Evans.

That came with 3:38 remaining and gave the Bills a 13-3 victory. Belichick wasn’t the only one running up the score Sunday.

That was a big result in the AFC East. The Bills are now 3-4, giving them a 2 1/2 -game lead over the third-place Jets and keeping them within five games of the first-place Patriots, who look as if they will qualify for the playoffs.

The Patriots moved to 8-0 by moving the Redskins all over Massachusetts, setting up the NFL Regular Season Game of the Century (Though It’s Still a Young Century) -- undefeated New England and undefeated Indianapolis next Sunday. The Colts improved to 7-0 with a 31-7 triumph over Carolina.

Historical footnote to that triumph: The 2005-07 Colts are the first team to begin three consecutive seasons 7-0 since the 1929-31 Green Bay Packers. We would like to ask Brett Favre how it felt to set that record and now have it tied, but he was resting up for tonight’s game against Denver and unavailable for immediate comment.

Historical footnote II: Peyton Manning broke Johnny Unitas’ franchise record by throwing his 288th touchdown pass late in the third quarter. After Joseph Addai scored his third touchdown in the fourth quarter, Manning gave way to backup Jim Sorgi, who won a Super Bowl ring for the 2006 season and finally threw his first regular-season pass since 2005.

Historical footnote III: Tony Dungy became the winningest coach in Colts history, leading Don Shula, 74-73. More remarkably, Dungy is 1-0 in Super Bowl appearances with the Colts, and Shula is 0-1.

So while most of the NFL was spinning its offensive wheels, the Patriots and the Colts combined to outscore their opponents, 83-14. Which leads to an obvious question:

Is there a third-best team in this league?

The Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2) tried to clamber back to that perch with a 24-13 victory over Cincinnati, but what are road victories over the Bengals worth anymore?

The Giants (6-2) won their fifth game in a row to stay within a game of the 6-1 Dallas Cowboys but looked very dodgy doing it. And let’s face it. The Giants and the Cowboys are NFC teams.

How about those San Diego Chargers?

Despite having to practice last week in Arizona because of the Southern California wildfires, the Chargers looked very much at home with those preseason Super Bowl predictions (remember those?) during an impressive 35-10 triumph over Houston.

The Chargers have won three in a row and are now 4-3, with Minnesota next on the schedule. After that, they play host to the Colts, seven days after New England-Indianapolis will have stopped the country in its tracks.

Maybe the Chargers can catch the Colts looking behind.

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christine.daniels@latimes.com