Patriots star in their own reality show

The following season-opening paragraph was guest-written by Dennis Green, who was 16-32 in three years as coach of the Arizona Cardinals from 2004-06 and now has a lot of time on his hands for freelance writing:

The New England Patriots are who we thought they were. Crown their Moss and their Brady and the rest of the cast that routed the New York Jets on Sunday, 38-14.

Is the season over already? The Indianapolis Colts have weighed in with a strong dissenting opinion, but the Patriots on Sept. 9 looked dead-set on victory on Feb. 3 in Glendale, Ariz., where Super Bowl XLII will be played. Green, who used to coach Randy Moss while both were marking time in Minnesota, knows the Arizona layout. If he scores a Super Bowl media credential, Green can just recycle the above evergreen paragraph in five months.

By then, the chart of Moss’ NFL career could very well resemble a giant check mark. It starts with a modest amount of success with the Vikings, then a huge dip with the still-hopeless Oakland Raiders, then a big bounce with the Patriots, who watched Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy write a feel-good story in the last Super Bowl that utterly failed to stir Bill Belichick’s Grinch-like heart.

So Belichick and the Patriots’ front office went hyper-proactive in the off-season. They stockpiled star wide receivers -- Moss, Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker -- as if they were the commissioners of a rigged fantasy league. (And maybe, metaphorically speaking, they are.)

Technically, the Moss acquisition was recorded as a trade with the Raiders. In 31 other NFL cities, the deal was classified a steal. Moss considered it a rescue. And in New England? The Patriots keep telling themselves it was an act of great humanitarianism.

On the same afternoon Moss debuted with the Patriots by catching nine passes from Tom Brady for 183 yards and a touchdown, the Raiders were falling behind at home by 17 points to the Detroit Lions (!), then blowing a 21-20 fourth-quarter lead and eventually losing, 36-21.

So, Moss’ new team won by 24 points on the road and his old team lost by 15 points at home. That’s a 39-point differential. As first impressions go, it would be difficult to beat that for a career upgrade.

The Raiders countered by signing Moss’ famous former Minnesota battery-mate, Daunte Culpepper, as a lash-out leverage maneuver in the stalled JaMarcus Russell contract negotiations. Then, in classic post-Gruden/Gannon Raiders’ fashion, they kept Culpepper on the bench for their opener and started instead Josh McCown, who couldn’t start in Arizona for Green.

(The rest of the world abides by the rules of the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” parlor game. In the NFL, it’s the “Six Degrees of Denny Green.”)

Continuing in that same post-2002 Raiders vein, McCown played well enough to likely tease the coaching staff into another start (30 for 40, 313 yards, two touchdowns) and not well enough to win (two interceptions).

The Lions, who lost a league-record 24 consecutive road games from 2001-03, went into Oakland and won with Jon Kitna passing for 289 yards and three touchdowns -- dividing the points among Roy Williams, Shaun McDonald and 2007 first-round draft choice Calvin Johnson. Meanwhile, Mike Williams, the Lions’ 2005 first-round draft choice, caught one pass for 11 yards and no touchdowns for the Raiders.

NFC North standings after Week 1:

Tied for first place at 1-0: Detroit, Minnesota, Green Bay.

Alone in last place at 0-1: Chicago.

Minnesota, notoriously flimsy on defense since, well, since Alan Page retired, recorded six sacks, returned two intercepted passes for scores and did not allow a single red-zone possession in a 24-3 rout of the Atlanta Falcons. Welcome to life after Michael Vick, Falcons fans.

Green Bay recovered two bobbled punts by Philadelphia return men and turned them into a first-quarter touchdown and a game-winning field goal with two seconds to play. Rookie Mason Crosby gave the Packers new hope with his 42-yard field goal, giving Green Bay a 16-13 triumph over the Eagles and enabling Brett Favre to tie John Elway for most victories by an NFL starting quarterback with 148.

Meanwhile, Chicago, supposed to sleep-walk to 10 victories just by showing up to play every week as a representative of the NFC (Not Formidable Conference), drifted out into shark-infested AFC waters still invested in Rex Grossman as, ahem, Anchor Man. Where have we heard this before? The Bears defense held San Diego scoreless for nearly three quarters and limited LaDainian Tomlinson to 25 rushing yards . . . and lost to the Chargers, 14-3, as Grossman completed 12 of 23 passes for 145 yards and threw one interception.

At this early juncture, that final score can be interpreted two ways:

The NFC is wide open. Besides the Lesser 75% of the NFC North, the Washington Redskins (16-13 overtime winners over the post-Culpepper Miami Dolphins) and the Carolina Panthers (Week 1 winners for the first time since 2003) are undefeated; Seattle has Shaun Alexander and Matt Hasselbeck back in the lineup together (much to the initial chagrin of Tampa Bay, a 20-6 loser at Qwest Field); and for an encore after its big, easy 2006 season, New Orleans opened with a 31-point home defeat.

The AFC could be a two-team derby between New England and Indianapolis, which dealt New Orleans that Thursday-night 41-10 loss. San Diego looked like a typical Norv Turner team against the Bears; Jacksonville looked no better with David Garrard in for Byron Leftwich during a 13-10 home loss to Tennessee; Denver needed a last-second field goal to hold off Buffalo, 15-14; and the Jets have already scheduled Chad Pennington for a Monday-morning MRI exam after their brittle quarterback hobbled off in the third quarter after injuring his leg against the Patriots.

Oh, and for what this is worth: The Houston Texans are 1-0 after a 20-3 victory over the severely quarterback-challenged Kansas City Chiefs, a game that included Texans defensive end Mario Williams scooping up a fumble and returning it 38 yards for a 17-0 third-quarter lead.

Revisiting that controversial No. 1 2006 draft pick by Houston, then: Williams leads Reggie Bush in 2007 touchdowns, 1-0.

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christine.daniels@latimes.com