Text messages from press row . . .

Pau Gasol, a better fit in the triangle than probably even Mitch Kupchak ever imagined, will win a playoff series for the first time this spring. . . .

Tracy McGrady will not. . . .

If Gasol hadn’t landed on the Lakers’ doorstep, a gift from the Memphis Grizzlies after Andrew Bynum was sidelined, Kobe Bryant almost certainly wouldn’t be the MVP front-runner and might not even be in the discussion. . . .

No wonder Bryant’s opinion of Kupchak has changed. . . .

That must have been some kind of a first over the weekend, the wife of a well-known NBA player actually uttering during a network telecast of an NBA game, “If you ever want to bond with my boobs again .” . . .

The speaker was Eva Longoria, wife of San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker, shown in a clip from her ABC television series, “Desperate Housewives.” . . .

What’s French for crass? . . .

The first round of the NBA playoffs could stretch out over 16 days. . . .

The entire NCAA tournament, not counting the play-in game, took 19. . . .

Look-alikes: Ken Mauer, the veteran NBA official who ejected Allen Iverson on Sunday at Staples Center, and Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli, who projected 1950s cool on “Happy Days” during the 1970s and early ‘80s. . . .

Speaking of Iverson, TV commentator and former NBA point guard Mark Jackson calls the 6-foot, 180-pound Denver Nuggets scoring machine “arguably the greatest player, pound for pound, that this league has ever seen.” . . .

Does anyone believe that the slight but durable Iverson, seven times the NBA’s leader in minutes played, actually weighs 180 pounds, as listed? . . .

Sixth man J.R. Smith of the Nuggets hails from Freehold, N.Y., which also produced a rocker named Bruce Springsteen. . . .

In 1984’s “My Hometown,” released a year before Smith was born, the Boss paints a bleak picture: “Now Main Street’s whitewashed windows and vacant stores/Seems like there ain’t nobody wants to come down here no more.” . . .

According to the Utah Jazz, Isiah Thomas’ firing by the New York Knicks last week marked the 200th coaching change in the NBA since still-on-the-job Jerry Sloan was hired to coach the Jazz nearly 20 years ago. . . .

The Clippers have had 12 coaches in that time, the Lakers 10. . . .

Maybe Josh Beckett’s pulling out of his scheduled start Tuesday night is a sign that the Angels’ luck in Fenway Park is changing for the better. . . .

Or maybe not. . . .

Andre Ethier for Milton Bradley was a steal for the Dodgers. . . .

Lorena Ochoa, the dominant player on the LPGA Tour, might be a better bet than Tiger Woods to win a Grand Slam. . . .

Only she has a shot this year. . . .

Now that Danica Patrick has finally shed the image that she is little more than Anna Kournikova in a fire-retardant jumpsuit, maybe the much-photographed IndyCar driver will no longer hear sexist remarks from fellow competitors. . . .

Competitors such as Ed Carpenter, who said in 2006, “Danica is pretty aggressive in our cars, especially if you catch her at the right time of the month.” . . .

Carpenter, in 65 starts, has not finished higher than 14th. . . .

In a 32-shoe, bracket-style “Clash of the Kicks” tournament at complex.com, the Jordan XI won the title as the greatest basketball shoe of all time, but the biggest surprise for old-school ballers was that Converse’s venerable Chuck Taylor model didn’t even reach the Final Four. . . .

After three police cars were set ablaze Monday night by hockey-crazed goons in Montreal, fark.com teased to the story with this: “Montreal Canadiens fans celebrate win over Boston Bruins as if they lived in Los Angeles.” . . .

Joining a group that includes David Lee Roth, UCLA defensive coordinator DeWayne Walker will be inducted tonight into the Pasadena Muir High School Hall of Fame, making this one of the few times that the football coach and Van Halen’s zany lead singer will be mentioned in the same sentence. . . .

Does the Miami Dolphins’ signing of Jake Long mean that the interminable opening round of the NFL draft will be 10 minutes shorter? . . .

Last year, when the first-round time limit was 15 minutes, it took 6 hours 8 minutes to make the first 32 picks. . . .

Two games could have been played in that time.

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jerome.crowe@latimes.com