Equal love comes from football and futbol fans
These people live among you:
Keith: “You are an idiot. It is clear from this article you don’t know soccer one bit. Unfortunately, I will never get the 2 minutes back in my life from reading your article. To quote an Adam Sandler movie, ‘We are all dumber for listening to you. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.’ ”
I feel so guilty taking your valuable time -- what with so many more Sandler movies to watch.
Far Farshad: “Didn’t take him long to wise up to your antics. Maybe Beckham is more intelligent than you think. Good for Galaxy and/or Beckham if they dissed you for no other reason than the shabby way you and The Times cover our sport. Read my lips: Soccer does not need you. Just go away.”
I’m new to this e-mail technology, but could you show me your lips one more time?
Nirpal S. Missan: “It’s been almost 14 years since we lost the NFL. It seems like all you do is work against L.A. Every time someone writes about the return of football, you write an immediate negative story about it. Your old mentor, Mr. Murphy, would slap you across the face. You’re a liar, and you misrepresent L.A. And leave Frank McCourt alone. I didn’t see your lame family ponying up the cash to buy the Dodgers. I’m starting a campaign to have you fired.”
We all miss Mr. Murphy.
Mike Young: “In regards to Beckham, you are supposed to know a little about the sport that you are writing about. In the case of ‘football’ you have over many tedious years demonstrated you have little knowledge or regard for the sport.”
OK, so I picked the Patriots; people make mistakes.
Hasan Kozan: “Your writing smells like last week’s salmon left on the counter.”
Let me get this straight, my column smells like your house?
Joel Holden: “What was the point of your boring article on the aftermath of the Super Bowl? The truth of the matter is, it was one of, if not the most, exciting Super Bowl game of all time. By the way, it’s great to drive to work and not have to listen to your boring 570 radio talk show.”
I might’ve asked someone earlier to show me how to change the channel, but that’s just me.
Jane Jenkins: “Have you ever thought about writing something nice?”
It’s on my bucket list -- right behind attending a Dodgers’ World Series game.
Stephen Leroy, Cambridge, Mass.: “I was astonished to read an e-mailer couldn’t find it in his heart to donate $200 to a charity for sick children because you didn’t find a dead horse to be worth 50% of a sick child. Maybe someone can explain to me why so many of your readers haven’t figured out that pro sports are purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more, while children and family are what really matter in life. Please tell me how to send a $200 check to Mattel Children’s Hospital.”
I didn’t think you lived among these people.
Zach Safir: “You missed the most obvious part of the Beckham-as-spokesman story. Have you ever actually heard the guy talk? He’s the Mike Tyson of football. The guy has a high-pitched, weak-sounding voice. No one in the British press would ever suggest using Beckham to talk -- ever seen a commercial with him saying anything? As soon as he opens his mouth, people just start laughing.”
He’d fit right in on “Around the Horn.”
JOE PADGETT: “You bitch and moan about not getting a sit-down with Mr. Beckham, but what is it that you think you can report that nobody else in the world has already covered a million times?”
Does it bother him that he talks like Mike Tyson?
Brent Anderson: “I cannot believe you wrote this article. Pointing out that Kobe Bryant said he wanted Bynum gone and that Jerry Buss was an idiot, well, at the time, all of that was pretty much true. But the hypocrisy of pointing this out now . . . what you’re saying is that Kobe should be able to tell the future.”
Most people believe he can walk on water, so why not?
Dave Bennett: “T.J., you’re an *&^%.”
That’s the first time anyone has ever called me an 8765.
(You have to be sitting at a computer to understand.)
Frank Kearns: “Beckham is somehow worse than some of the other role models that we have here, like Kobe, for example? While I had a cynical view of his arrival in L.A., he won me over last year by his rather brave attempts to play in spite of obvious injury . . . “
You want brave, read the obituaries about the latest American soldier to give his life.
Luis Gonzalez: “I went on a little world Internet tour and asked people if they knew Beckham or Kobe. Only a slight percentage of people in Brazil and Argentina knew Kobe, while everyone knew Beckham. In the central Asian countries 10 out of 10 knew Beckham, while only 2 knew Kobe. I chatted with 20 people who knew Pele and Maradona, while only 4 knew Michael Jordan. Beckham might not be big among wealthy Caucasians or poor African Americans, but I guarantee you every single illegal immigrant knows who he is.”
That’s because they have so much in common with Beckham -- they have no idea how long they’re going to be here.
Dana, L.A. Galaxy fan: “Why would David Beckham want to talk to you for free, when he can get paid $350,000 to talk to Salma Hayek?”
Sounds like an episode of Ugly Sports Writer.
Mark Williams: “There would be no Pau Gasol in L.A. had Kobe Bryant not exposed Jerry Buss’ fraud this summer and demanded to be traded. Buss has stolen money from Lakers fans for several years, charging top dollar, but delivering Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, and assorted cowards like Lamar Odom and Luke Walton. Folks like you are complicit in the Buss scam. You blamed Kobe for the Shaq trade when you knew that wasn’t true. You lied. Kobe Bryant is better than you. And you hate him for it.”
Sometimes I get the feeling this really isn’t a country for old men.
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