Stars make space for RocketThe Huntsville Stars,...

Stars make space for Rocket

The Huntsville Stars, the Milwaukee Brewers’ double-A affiliate, never seem to miss a promotional trick. First the Stars hired Buck Rodgers as general manager, now they have offered Roger Clemens a contract . . . to be their mascot . . . their secondary mascot, “The Rocket.”

He would dress in an astronaut uniform and support the main mascot, “Homer the Polecat,” who also might be able to fill the buddy-void in Clemens’ life since Andy Pettitte provided his affidavit.

“Clemens is a small-town guy, and he’d be a great fit in Huntsville,” Rodgers said.

The deal would pay Clemens $25 per game, plus vouchers for a hot dog and soda at the concession stand. Oh, and a 15% discount on souvenirs.

While that is more than any major league has ponied up this spring, it might not be the best PR move for Clemens. Name a mascot who doesn’t appear to be on some sort of drug (though not necessarily performance-enhancing ones)?

Trivia time

What coach went to the most Final Fours without winning the title?

Storm warnings

Barry Bonds can get out of the unemployment line as well. The Lake Elsinore Storm of the California League is offering a “cushy media relations position (with slight pay cut from $19.3 million),” a release from the team said. Bonds would have free run of the baseball facilities, and “expanded cubicle space with Barcalounger and plasma TV.”

Chris Jones, the team’s general manager, said, “We just think the way he has handled the media with such grace over the years that he would be a perfect fit in our media relations department.”

Just remember, Barry, that’s media relations not media retaliations.

Bruins chow

Food for thought, as UCLA prepares to face 16th-seeded Mississippi Valley State in the first round tonight:

In going 0-92, 16th-seeded teams have lost by an average of 24.9 points per game since the tournament expanded to 64 teams in 1985.

International diplomacy

Oakland Athletics General Manager Billy Beane, with his team’s games against the Boston Red Sox in Japan back on schedule, seemed giddy about playing future international games.

Beane, wearing Arsenal shorts, told the Associated Press, “I hope we go to Rome. I hope we go to Paris, Berlin.”

Just a fashion tip, Billy: If you go to Rome, Paris or Berlin, lose those shorts.

Oscar (Robertson) material

The Final Four, if Ebert and Roeper ran the NCAA selection committee:

“One on One” -- Robby Benson is a plucky guard and Coach G.D. Spradlin makes Bobby Knight seem like Mother Teresa.

“Blue Chips” -- With Shaquille O’Neal and Penny Hardaway, not even Nick Nolte coaching under the influence could mess this up.

“Fastbreak” -- Michael Warren and Bernard King lead team, while Gabe Kaplan schmoozes media.

“The Air Up There” -- Only an iffy college theme, but it allows you to link Kevin Bacon with himself in the Six Degrees game (the movie had Sean McCann, who was in “Atlantic City” with Susan Sarandon, who was in “Bull Durham” with Tim Robbins, who was in “Mystic River” with Bacon).

And the winner is . . .

O’Neal and Hardaway would do what they couldn’t do for Orlando: win a title. Then NCAA learns Nolte made illegal cellphone calls to Hickory High’s Jimmy Chitwood.

Trivia answer

Houston’s Guy Lewis with five. Each time, the Cougars lost to the NCAA champion, Georgetown (1984), North Carolina State (1983), North Carolina (1982) and UCLA (1967 and 1968).

And finally

Chicago Cubs Manager Lou Piniella, asked about his concerns on how cold weather would affect pitcher Kerry Wood’s sore back, told reporters, “If we had to be concerned about everything to be concerned about, we’d never get any sleep.”

Answering for all Cubs fans: You got that right, Lou.

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chris.foster@latimes.com