TWO-MINUTE DRILL

at Carolina 34, Kansas City 0: There is absolutely no chance that the Chiefs will lose next week. They have an open date.

Tennessee 13, at Baltimore 10: Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco was 10 years old when Titans QB Kerry Collins began his NFL career. The price of gas: $1.18 a gallon.

at Miami 17, San Diego 10: If the Dolphins lost the rest of their games, they’d still have twice as many wins as they had last season.

at N.Y. Giants 44, Seattle 6: When does Giants quarterback Eli Manning get to star in his own “Cut That Meat” commercial?

Washington 23, at Phila. 17: With his fourth win, Jim Zorn breaks record for most coaching wins by a guy whose last name starts with Z. Old record: Jim Zorn with 3.

Indianapolis 31, at Houston 27: Colts’ comeback was more miraculous than the comeback wins by the L.A. T-Birds each week in roller derby in the 1970s.

Atlanta 27, at Green Bay 24: After game, Packers fans wistfully recall the days when Brett Favre would win games despite two dislocated shoulders and a broken leg.

Chicago 34, at Detroit 7: Firing Matt Millen has really turned around the Lions. If he were still team president, they would have lost 34-0.

at Denver 16, Tampa Bay 13: Brian Griese’s agent calls after game, asks for clause in contract that says Griese will never have to play in Denver again.

at Dallas 31, Cincinnati 22: Judging by television coverage during and after the game, Terrell Owens is the only player on the Cowboys.

at Arizona 41, Buffalo 17: Bills wake up before game, say to themselves “What are we doing? If we don’t start losing, we may have to choke in another Super Bowl.”

New England 30, at San Francisco 21: Who would have guessed that Matt Cassel would have more wins this season than Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart combined?

Pittsburgh 26, at Jacksonville 21: If the NFL limited its games to three quarters, the Jaguars would be undefeated.

Open date: Cleveland, N.Y. Jets, Oakland, St. Louis.