Player checks out, can’t make a move

Alcohol and chess do not mix, as a leading French chess player discovered in an international tournament in India.

Grandmaster Vladislav Tkachiev turned up drunk for his match against India’s Praveen Kumar and fell asleep after only 11 moves. Tkachiev could barely sit in his chair and once asleep, rested his head on the table.

Indian newspapers carried photos of the player, ranked No. 58 in the world, sleeping and organizers’ futile attempts to wake him. The game was eventually awarded to Kumar when Tkachiev was unable to complete his moves within the stipulated time of 90 minutes.

Trivia time

Who was the quarterback who started at Stanford in 1979 ahead of John Elway?

Take a year off

Seattle’s Ichiro Suzuki became the second-fastest player to reach 2,000 hits with a double in the Mariners’ Sunday game against Oakland. According to calculations by Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, Suzuki could:

* Go hitless for the next 13 months and still be averaging 200 hits a season.

* Go 0 for 667 and still be a career .300 hitter.

Cut the Eye Candy

A female caddie service that provides models trained in golf etiquette has been banned from several courses in England for “damaging the reputation of the sport.”

The female caddies, who wear tight-fitting pink uniforms, are provided by Eye Candy Caddies, a company that describes itself as “the gorgeous new solution for unforgettable golf days.”

A spokesman for the courses banning the caddies said, “Anyone who seriously cares about the development of the game should work to ensure that it is as professional, inclusive and culturally inoffensive as any other major sport.

“Exploiting outmoded notions of golf as a male bastion is not ‘just a bit of fun,’ it damages the reputation of the sport as a whole as well as its appeal to members of the younger generation of either sex.”

Sarah Stacey, managing director for the caddies company, said, “We add that extra sparkle and difference to any golf day and put a smile on people’s faces.

“All the girls are trained in the etiquette of golf and uniformed in appropriate golf attire. They all sign a code of conduct so everyone is clear about the boundaries.”

Trivia answer

Turk Schonert, recently fired Buffalo Bills offensive coordinator. (Question and answer provided by William Enright of Fullerton.)

And finally

From Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press, after three NFL teams fired their offensive play-callers last week: “It’s Sunday. Do you know who your offensive coordinator is?”

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mike.penner@latimes.com