College football Bottom Ten: Bowl game edition

The Bowls

It’s the game that has every football fan asking the dramatic, age-old question: What happens when you match a five-time loser from the Big Ten against a four-time loser from the Southeastern Conference?

Well, you get the toothless Gator Bowl, pitting Michigan vs. Mississippi State.

And that’s not even the most unappetizing postseason game on the holiday menu. No, the dishonor for the worst offering goes to the New Mexico Bowl, which settled for Brigham Young versus the University of Texas at El Wobbly Paso, teams with no fewer than 12 defeats between them.

Then there’s something called the BBVA Compass Bowl. How prestigious is it? A few days after Pittsburgh (7-5) was chosen as a participant, Dave Wannstedt was forced out as coach.

As for the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, if neither Toledo (8-4) nor Florida International (6-6) delivers a touchdown in 30 minutes, do the spectators get their money back?

Rk. Dud Bowl; teams and records

1. New Mexico; UTEP (6-6) vs. BYU (6-6)

2. Gator: Michigan (7-5) vs. Mississippi State (8-4)

3. Compass: Pittsburgh (7-5) vs. Kentucky (6-6)

4. Pizza: Toledo (8-4) vs. Florida International (6-6)

5. Pinstripe: Syracuse (7-5) vs. Kansas State (7-5)

6. Meineke: Clemson (6-6) vs. South Florida (7-5)

7. Sun: Notre Dame (7-5) vs. Miami (7-5)

8. Outback: Florida (7-5) vs. Penn State (7-5)

9. *Independence: Georgia Tech (6-6) vs. Air Force (8-4)

10. Senior: North (0-0) vs. South (0-0)

*Lost its luster when Poulan Weed Eater ended sponsorship.

Bowls we’d like to see:

Satanic Bowl: Duke Blue Devils (3-9) vs. Arizona State Sun Devils (6-6); Cereal Bowl: C.W. Post (N.Y.) (7-4) vs. Rice (4-8); Ancient Ruins Bowl: Carthage (Wis.) (6-4) vs. Troy (Ala.) (7-5); Explorers Bowl: Lewis & Clark (Ore.) (4-5) vs. Livingstone (N.C.) (0-9); Vampire Bowl: Transylvania (Ky.) (0-0) vs. Sacred Heart (Conn.) (4-7); PCH SigAlert Bowl: Slippery Rock (Pa.) (6-5) vs. Harvey Mudd (0-0).

steveharvey9@gmail.com