‘Next Iron Chef’ recap: Anyone explain the rules to Tim Love?

The “Next Iron Chef” must be crafty and resourceful. Not clueless. Or ... pickled.

Perhaps if chef Tim Love had spent as much time trying to wow the “Next Iron Chef” judges as he did finding clever drinking vessels — a food storage container, a ladle — he’d still be in the hunt.

Seriously, what’s up with that cowboy?

The chef from the Lone Star State served up a salad — a simple kale salad! — during the first round of competition as Season 5 of “Next Iron Chef” got underway Sunday night on Food Network. The judges were offended. Not just at the lack of creativity and ingenuity that went into the dish, but because Love bragged that he had so much time left over during the hourlong challenge that he made a steak for himself and made time for plenty of white wine.

Alton Brown talks redemption, revenge and ‘Next Iron Chef’

If only he’d served that salad with some slivers of that steak that he cooked over the open coals.

Now that would have made sense for the chef known for his barbecuing ways.

Love instead managed to offend the judges a second time, during the sudden-death elimination round, when he decided to take that opportunity to do something fancy with kale, frying it up nice and crispy.

The judges interpreted it as Love saying “up yours.”

I’m not sure that Love intended that. But then, drinking tequila by the ladleful does strange things to people.

By the time he was eliminated — after being told the judges wondered whether he was being lazy — Love looked ready to throw a punch.

What did you think about Love’s poor showing? Was he being lazy? Loco? Seriously, who thinks a plain kale salad is “Next Iron Chef” worthy? I’m disappointed we were robbed of the opportunity to watch him cook throughout the competition.

But move on we must.

Would you care to place a bet on who will be the “Next Iron Chef”? I have to root for the hometown favorite, Eric Greenspan, of course, and I am also partial to Alex Guarnaschelli and Elizabeth Falkner.

But if I absolutely had to pick a winner right here and now, I’d go with that stealthy, culinary assassin, Jehangir Mehta.

As long as he stays away from the danged ice cream machine.

Congratulations to Greenspan. It was so unfair to give him grasshoppers again, but he rose to the occasion. Game maker Alton Brown put it best: “You redeemed not only yourself, but you redeemed grasshoppers.”

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