Time to Get Those Darn Surfers Off Skid Row

“Have you ever noticed the similarities between surfers and homeless people?” asked Paul Sandor of Huntington Beach in a letter to Surfer magazine.

Sandor thought of the parallels while on the way back from a surfing trip to the San Diego area, where his car broke down. While it was being repaired, he visited a nearby fast-food joint for lunch.

“I was in typical surfer garb -- baggy, dirty shorts, surfer T-shirt and flip-flops,” he said. “I was a sunburned, unshaved, salt-encrusted mess.”

As he was finishing eating, he said, “a kindly woman walked up to me and handed me $5. When I asked her why, she replied, ‘God bless you homeless people. Some of you are so proud. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.’ ”

Sandor told her he was a surfer not a homeless person.

“She took her $5 back,” he wrote, “and suggested I get a proper job.”

Similarities with street people (cont.): I’m reminded of the time I met my wife for breakfast at a Long Beach bagel shop. She arrived first and was standing in line when I got there, dressed in my work clothes, my beard a bit scraggly.

Lacking change for a newspaper, I walked up and asked her, “Do you have a quarter?” She forked one over and I walked off. Whereupon a worker at the shop came over and whispered to her, “Was he asking you for money?” When she said he was, the worker said, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll go talk with him.” Luckily, she owned up to being my wife.

I’d like to think the clerk figured I was a surfer.

Only in Burbank: “If it ain’t Hardware, could it be Software?” asked John Suderman of one store (see photo).

Bad dog? Alan Duignan noticed that a South Pasadena theater left some doubt about the suitability of what I always thought was a family classic (see photo).

We’ve narrowed it down to three suspects: Elspeth Honegger of L.A. chanced upon some kitchen wipes that were not made in China. (see accompanying).

Who am I? In Oceanside’s Coast News, Donald Kessler of Whittier spotted a police log item about a woman who was arrested for passing fictitious checks.

At least she didn’t use the name tattooed on her leg: Big Pimpin.

miscelLAny: “I’ve long been baffled by inconsistencies in our beloved English language,” wrote Ronald Widman of Redlands. “For example, if we say ‘fifth,’ ‘sixth’ and ‘seventh,’ why don’t we say ‘oneth,’ ‘twoth’ and ‘threeth’?

“It’s good to know that the people at the great Sixth Annual Mentone Regional Chili Cook-Off agree with me....” (see accompanying).

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.