Driver Hasn’t Quite Reached the Brake-Even Point

Let’s get right to the traffic report. “I saw a car with side and rear damage from a collision,” writes Mike Kirwan of Venice. “The license plate frame said, ‘I brake for Porsches.’ Guess he should have braked for other cars, too.”

And now, the snooze: Considering the subject matter, Donald Bentley of La Puente thought it ironic that CNN would ask viewers to try to sit through a 10 p.m. broadcast (see accompanying). Then, again, better to fall asleep watching Anderson Cooper than driving a car.

From our food editor: Audrey McFall of Pasadena and Cynthia Milich of the same city each noticed a culinary offering that could give you splinters (see accompanying).

Unclear on the concept: During a performance in Long Beach, John Cleese, the British actor-comic, said he ordered an omelet at a local restaurant after being assured by the waiter that no milk would be used in its preparation. Cleese is allergic to milk. Then he ordered a coffee, whereupon the waiter asked: “Milk or cream?”

The tenants who never paid rent: Brian Monahan of Venice wondered how one of that community’s apartment buildings acquired its unusual nom (see photo).

I asked manager Tony Vera, who said: “When the current owner bought the building, it was in really bad shape and there were thousands of pigeons living there. It was ridiculous. The pigeons had just taken over. They were in the attic, everywhere.” So, after the owner rehabbed the place, “he named it ‘The Pigeon Trap.’ ”

And the birds?

“We’ve gotten rid of most of them,” Vera said, “but you can’t get rid of all of them.”

Another traffic report: Wayne Coombs of L.A. saw an MTA bus whose overhead sign said:

MOVING L.A. FORWARD

NOT IN SERVICE

And, now, for sports: When the hometown of UCLA’s Darren Collison was mentioned during an NCAA playoff broadcast, one of the CBS announcers said, “Don’t you love those California cities?” Then he jokingly pronounced the town as “KOOK-amonga.” It was like a flashback to the old Jack Benny radio show, where a running joke involved a train conductor crying out, “Anaheim, Azusa, and KOOK-amonga.”

Collison’s town became known as Rancho Cucamonga. I don’t know what happened to Anaheim and Azusa.

miscelLAny: Frank McDermott of San Clemente read an announcement about a “cemetery cleanup” that included this request: “Please have all items that you wish to save removed.”

Said McDermott: “Gold tooth and wedding rings, perhaps?”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.