There isn’t any extra baggage on this vacation

The wife was so excited. She saw a deer after pulling away from the golf course. “Antlers and all,” she said later, “standing right beside the road. It was so cool.”

Had I taken this trip with the rest of the family -- the ones who staged the mutiny a year ago, leaving the rented RV behind for an expensive, last-minute plane ride home halfway through the trip -- surely one of the spoilsports would’ve pointed out that the deer was a statue.

But not the wife, and while I’ll never know for sure if she knew it was a statue or not, the woman knows how to make a vacation sound like fun. That’s why she’s here, and the others are home feeding and picking up after the dogs.

I had the wife fly into Reno to meet me. Only two stops and I still got a good deal on her ticket. I made the drive here by myself because we’ve been married 34 years, and now you know why we’ve been able to stay together so long.

The idea was to just get away from it all, which reminds me, how are the Ducks doing?

I relied on golfthehighsierra.com to make arrangements, so the wife could drop me off and pick me up at courses in Reno, Carson City, Tahoe, Truckee and Graeagle. I thought it was funny, but the wife refused to wear the little chauffeur hat I found at a garage sale. That’s not the first time she’s refused to wear a little something that I had bought just for her.

The wife is not a golfer, and you know what a bummer that is -- having to join the guys for a good time and leave her behind on each stop. She opted at one point to go for a swanky spa overhaul at the Resort at Squaw Creek, site of the 1960 Winter Olympics, which I’m sure brought back many fond memories for her.

At the same time, I played Old Greenwood outside Truckee in a snowstorm, thinking this might be a great place to retire until Tahoe Mountain Resorts sales manager Mike Milligan suggested I buy land and then pass it on to my kids.

I thought he was going to suggest I pick out a casket while I was at it, so the freeloaders who ruined last year’s vacation were really taken care of. If you want Mike’s number, let me know. I’m guessing he doesn’t have kids, or many friends for that matter.

In Carson City we ran into Wes & Ben, tomahawk-throwing mountain men who have plans, as I understand it, to take a shower before the end of the year. The guys asked the wife if she wanted to throw a hatchet, like she hasn’t thought of doing it a hundred times, and right away she buried the ax in the target. I had a tough time deciding whether I should be proud or scared.

In addition to golf and tomahawk throwing, we had offers to go inner-tubing down the Truckee River, hang-gliding and parasailing. We had invites to take a helicopter ride over Lake Tahoe too, and a fishing charter.

We didn’t do any of it, though. The wife just loves the TV show “48 Hours Mystery,” and before leaving L.A., she told everyone this is how every one of the mysteries start -- the husband taking his wife to some out-of-the-way place and then returning home alone.

With that hanging over my head, I had to make sure the wife got back to L.A. safely, so we really haven’t done anything on this vacation but play a little golf -- making sure every time the wife dropped me off there were witnesses who saw her drive away healthy.

THE BLUE wrist bands with the inscription, “I know I can make it,” to mark Skippy the Squirrel’s bold attempt to cross the I-5, will be given to invited guests Saturday night at the Los Alamitos Race Course as part of the festivities surrounding Kiddy Up’s attempt to qualify for the first leg of the track’s triple crown.

More than 50 of the L.A. area’s top sports figures have been invited to join the family for the event. The invitations feature Kiddy Up on the cover and the notation, “faster than a pile of ashes,” while inside there’s a photo of the 7-Eleven Kid riding a hobby horse. You can imagine the disappointment of the Grocery Store Bagger, who had to get off for a minute so the kid could pose for the picture.

Racing starts at 6:30 p.m. with 118 horses trying to post the 10 fastest times of the night and qualify for the $1-million Ed Burke on June 23. The fastest 2-year-old to date runs in the second race, the most expensive quarter horse in the fifth, and Kiddy Up in the sixth around 8:30 p.m.

Kiddy Up is owned by Los Alamitos track owner Ed Allred and Page 2, trained for now by John Bassett, and ridden by some little guy who better not disappoint. The first $50,000 Kiddy Up wins -- as well as all public sales of the “I know I can make it” wrist bands -- go to Mattel Children’s Hospital at UCLA.

The preschool children from St. Francis of Assisi in Yorba Linda have also donated their crayon-colored pictures of Skippy, and a number of doctors from Mattel’s will be at the track to urge Kiddy Up on, while also marking the untimely passing of Skippy.

Phil & Jeanie Jackson sent regrets, Jeanie e-mailing to say that “Phil wanted me to tell you that the 7-Eleven kid is really cute. Phil’s oldest daughter went into labor this morning so we are waiting for word on his second grandchild.” I’m sure Phil will soon have the second- and third-cutest grandkids in the world.

Lakers’ PR guy John Black said he will do his best to make the event, and although he has yet to RSVP, I’m sure USC’s Mike Garrett will do his best to miss it.

USC basketball Coach Tim Floyd e-mailed to say, “I’m in,” and so did Paul Salata, founder of the NFL’s top off-season event, Irrelevant Week, which explains why he’s taken such an interest in Skippy.

UCLA Athletic Director Dan Guerrero e-mailed to say he has a conflict, but for some unknown reason the McCourts and the Kobester have yet to RSVP.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.