Little by Littler, Holmes Has Almost Done It

Larry Holmes, who rarely embarrasses himself inside the ring, does not do so well outside of it. He’s got a big mouth, so it sure would be nice if someone would step up and give him a fat lip. Unfortunately, no one seems qualified for the job.

The heavyweight boxing champion of the world has become virtually opponent-free. He is so short of quality competition that he has stopped picking on people his own size, arranging instead a little scuffle with Michael Spinks for our amusement Saturday at Las Vegas.

Now, this is not the big Spinks brother with the expired driver’s license and the under-construction bridgework. This is the little Spinks brother, who had better get on his bicycle Saturday if he doesn’t want his own teeth knocked down his throat.

Holmes already has flattened Leon Spinks; now he is out to whip Michael. This is a little like Lumpy Rutherford giving Wally Cleaver a black eye and then challenging the Beaver. At least Leon was in Holmes’ weight range. When Michael Spinks stands alongside Holmes, he looks like an asparagus spear standing next to a cucumber.

How is Michael supposed to knock down the champion when Leon could not? Leon was so battered, bothered and bewildered by the time Holmes floored him in Detroit that his cornerman told him to stay down until 8. Leon said that was fine with him, even though it was only 7:30.

Good luck to Michael Spinks, though. No one ever figured that Leon would take the title away from Muhammad Ali, and that surely did happen, so perhaps Saturday’s fight will not be as one-sided as it looks. Maybe Michael will make Larry Holmes look old--which he is--and persuade him to get out of boxing while the getting’s good--which he should.

Before he goes, the unbeaten Holmes wants to win his 49th straight professional bout, matching Rocky Marciano’s accomplishment. This one would be No. 49.

It goes without saying that Holmes has been a wonderful heavyweight champion, although the “goes without saying” part is precisely what annoys the champ, since he believes that he never receives the proper respect.

One way Larry Holmes goes about acquiring respect is to rave about the rough, tough customers he has faced as opposed to those defeated by the late Mr. Marciano.

According to Holmes, Marciano encountered more stiffs than a coroner. The pride of Easton, Pa., went so far as to say that Marciano counted his own brother among his 49 victims. Obviously thinking of those Spinks rascals, Holmes believes it is perfectly all right to fight brothers, so long as they are not your own.

At Brockton, Mass., hometown of Marvelous Marvin Hagler as well as the marvelous Marciano, many townspeople considered Holmes’ comments and immediately expressed a desire to see some opponent, any opponent, kick the champion’s sorry gluteus. If only Hagler were five inches taller and 50 pounds heavier, the sentiment went, he would show that guy a thing or two.

Well, they shouldn’t worry. Assuming that Holmes disposes of his next opponent, he no doubt will go out hunting smaller game.

When he goes for victory No. 50, maybe the heavyweight champion will give Hagler a call. Maybe he will see if Aaron Pryor is awake yet. Maybe he will challenge one of the Olympic champions, like Paul Gonzales. They could sell the match as the first title fight ever held where one opponent’s weight doubles the other.

Anything is possible. Maybe Joe Frazier has another son we have yet to hear about. Remember, Marvis Frazier was among those 49 brutes Holmes has beaten. The Kentucky Derby lasted longer than Marvis Frazier did.

Or maybe Tex Cobb will tangle with the champion again. For 15 rounds one night in Texas, Cobb permitted Holmes to turn his face into five pounds of ground round. That was the fight that persuaded Howard Cosell to turn his back on pro boxing, a glorious moment that could have been enhanced only by an announcement that Holmes and Cosell intended to go 15 rounds themselves.

Let’s see. Who else could Larry Holmes fight next? Bobby Riggs isn’t busy. Billy Martin has been inactive for a while. George Foreman could diet down to, oh, 320, 330, and make a comeback. Gerry Cooney hasn’t punched anybody beneath the Everlast insignia lately. Sylvester Stallone’s still got that guy who wore the salami around his neck in “Paradise Alley.” There ought to be an opponent around here somewhere.

Otherwise, Don King could just round up the usual suspects. A look at the ranking contenders in the heavyweight division is enough to make your hair stand on end. Holmes has beaten a lot of these guys, including Bonecrusher Smith or Bonebreaker Jones or Buckaroo Banzai or whatever his name was, and no one is particularly eager to see him fight any of the others, except the others themselves. Larry Holmes vs. Pinklon Thomas wouldn’t exactly be Louis-Schmeling.

Besides, Holmes is too old to be messing with some of the young up-and-comers, no matter how far they still have to come. If he retires after taking care of Michael Spinks and adversary No. 50, whomever he--or she--may be, Holmes can spend the rest of his life bragging about being unbeatable, and no one will be able to give him much of an argument. But if he keeps going for easy paydays, he is liable to end up horizontal.

This might be a sight worth seeing. Holmes is not a bad or evil man, but he could use a dose of humility right now. A lot of the great ones lost one or two before they were through--Jack Dempsey, Joe Louis, Muhammad Ali, both Sugar Rays--but the world still remembers them as great. Their reputations are intact.

Larry Holmes would not be less a man if he took one on the chin before he was through. So, whaddaya say, let’s put a horseshoe in Michael Spinks’ glove and get the job done this weekend.

Knock his teeth out, kid.