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Shoulder Pads, Tire Irons and a Strange Disrespect for Rules

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Every so often, no matter how objective one endeavors to be in this business, one finds oneself secretly pulling for misfortune to befall a certain sports organization or certain individuals--like those miserable creeps, the St. Louis Cardinals.

It is not a healthy pursuit, heaven knows, to hope for something bad to happen to one’s fellow human beings. But when Chief Justice Earl Warren said he read the sports page first because it recorded people’s accomplishments, not their failures, he really didn’t understand the St. Louis Cardinals, or he would have wanted the Rams to whip them in their NFL season opener the way Georgia Tech once whipped Cumberland. The score of that little get-together, by the way, was 222-0.

Professional football players were never trained to be lovable, as they have enough on their hands trying to preserve their arms and legs. Asking a pro football player for compassion is probably like asking a goat to use a fork.

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There was no excuse, however, for the behavior of several Cardinals at their Aug. 23 exhibition game at Chicago’s Soldier Field against the Bears. It is still difficult to believe that NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle does not review the films of this game and then kick a few Cardinals out of the world.

As it happens, Rozelle got down to the real nitty-gritty Tuesday and fined no fewer than 50 players, at least half of them Bears, for their thug-like behavior that night. Bear President Mike McCaskey was informed by Rozelle Monday night, and McCaskey told Bear Coach Mike Ditka and General Manager Jerry Vainisi on Tuesday.

Club executives on both sides Tuesday night were trying to locate some of their guilty parties to inform them of Rozelle’s action. At last report, the commissioner had slapped 26 Bears--more than half the roster--with fines totaling $14,300, and at least 25 Cardinals. Informed sources said, “significantly more.”

It was a Bear, Refrigerator Perry, who previously had been fined two grand by Rozelle for his evil ways in that game--namely, his handling of St. Louis quarterback Neil Lomax like a slab of ribs. It was lummox vs. Lomax, and it was no contest. Perry picked him up and threw him down. He really cleaned his plate.

But at least his action was football-related. Perry instinctively grabbed the guy in a Chicago Bear hug and did not hear a whistle. While trying to bulldog him to the ground, rodeo style, he got a little rough. He did everything but tie three of Lomax’s limbs with a lariat. Fridge got fined, deservedly so. Bear Coach Mike Ditka, himself, said he found it hard to believe that Perry got away with that play without drawing a penalty.

But if this was the play that caused the Cardinals to retaliate, it was not enough to justify what they did. When a quarrel broke out on the field, it spilled over onto the St. Louis sideline, where offensive lineman Keith Van Horne and tight end Pat Dunsmore of the Bears were swept away by a Big Red sea.

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Van Horne got roughed up but wriggled free. Dunsmore was not so lucky. He was mugged. He was knocked to the ground, punched and kicked. Certain Cardinals--their jersey numbers clearly visible to the football commissioner as he viewed the replay--saw that Dunsmore was flat on his back but continued to kick him unmercifully.

These are the kinds of guys who probably would watch a grandmother fend off thugs on a subway. Literally kicking a guy when he is down--that is about as low as you can go.

Dozens of peewee St. Louis Cardinal fans undoubtedly watched this game on TV at home and said, “Daddy, will you teach me how to play football just like that?”

“Sure,” Daddy said, and went right out and bought the kid a set of shoulder pads and a tire iron.

Dunsmore, who is no longer with the Bears, said that night: “I felt lucky to get away alive.” Van Horne was ejected from the game, as were several Cardinals.

As for Ditka, he waited for justice. And waited. He did everything but go to Don Corleone. “What they did to Dunsmore was atrocious,” Ditka said the other day, impatient for Rozelle to take action. “They (Cardinal players) should be in a gang in New York and learn what it’s really like.

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“Kicking a guy in his groin when he is down--that takes a lot of guts. Supposedly, these guys are high-paid athletes, guys who went to college. There’s no excuse for what they did.”

Rozelle agreed, up to a point, taking money out of the players’ pockets. So far, though, there has been no mention of possible suspensions, perhaps because these events occurred in an exhibition game and not during the regular season.

If any Dallas Cowboys or New York Giants had tried anything like that on “Monday Night Football,” Rozelle probably would have blindfolded them and hired a firing squad. Such behavior can, among other things, lead to soccer-like crowd riots, something America needs like it needs acid rain.

As it is, those of us who watched the chicken-livered St. Louis Cardinals and their reprehensible behavior will have to be happy with what happened to them in their season opener.

Coach Gene Stallings, the man who threatened to yank his precious team off the field at Chicago, did some fancy coaching against the Rams, making sure they got darn close to a game-winning touchdown before time ran out.

Uncommonly brilliant strategy--calling a running play up the middle with no timeouts left--assured the Cardinals of ending the game a few feet from the goal line, with Ram players using the ballcarrier for a chair as the clock hit 0:00.

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Doggone it, those Cards sure did give it a good try, didn’t they?

This weekend, meanwhile, in Week 2 on the NFL calendar, we find Philadelphia Eagle Coach You’re Nobody Till Buddy Loves You Ryan bringing his team to Chicago, where he will make another attempt to put three sentences together without offending somebody.

Philadelphia plays St. Louis twice this season. Scoreless ties are rare, but we can always hope.

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