Even Books Beat Football at Columbia

Columbia is winless in its last 27 football games, but alumnus George Starke told Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post that he’s not at all depressed.

“I consider all our losses to be upsets. There is no indication of the punishment we inflicted upon our opponents,” said Starke, who played tight end at Columbia before joining the Washington Redskins as an offensive lineman. “People always tell me, ‘It’s no good since you left.’ When I was there, we didn’t win, either. Except we’d always beat Brown. We could count on it. The worst thing now is that somehow over the years Brown became good.”

Starke remains loyal, despite the record.

“Columbia likes to keep things in perspective,” he said, “and I wholeheartedly support it. Look, the practice site is miles away from the campus. When I was there, we rode the subway uptown, then walked seven blocks to the field. Columbia is a very difficult school. You’re better off studying than practicing football. On top of that, you always lose.”

Isn’t there any way they can win?

Well, when Starke joined the Redskins he had a year of eligibility left. He’s threatening to return.

“These last 15 years, I’ve redshirted,” he said.

Said Texas Coach Fred Akers when asked about today’s game against Oklahoma: “They’re a good football team, we know that, and we expect it to be a heck of a football game. We’re going to have to go out there and really play a heck of a ball game.”

Could be a heck of a ball game.

Trivia Time: What do Ruppert Jones of the Angels, Howard Johnson of the New York Mets and Aurelio Lopez of the Houston Astros have in common? (Answer below.)

Wrote Newsday’s Joe Gergen of the charges that Houston’s Mike Scott doctors the ball: “Opponents who carp too much risk having to swallow their own words. There was the case of Birdie Tebbetts, who loudly campaigned against the spit and polish applied to the ball by Lew Burdette when he managed against him. Suddenly, they were wearing the same uniform. ‘I guess,’ Tebbetts decided, ‘I was mistaken.’ ”

Said Earl Weaver after his last day at the helm of the Baltimore Orioles: “Unless the stock market goes through the floor, this is the last day I ever have to work in my life. Anybody says that isn’t nice is lying.

“I’m 420 games over .500. That’s 10 years of 100-60 and then some. So that’s gonna stay there. On my tombstone, just write, ‘The sorest loser that ever lived.’ ”

Bo Jackson wound up hitting .207 and struck out 34 times in 82 at-bats for Kansas City, but the Royals would rather remember his tape-measure homers and rocket throws from right field.

“He’s been everything we expected,” said Kansas City General Manager John Schuerholz, “and he’s done some things that have been absolutely eye-opening.

“We heard about his monstrous home run in Memphis, but to do it off major league pitching on a 90-m.p.h. fastball, well, that’s unheard of. We knew he had a strong arm, but to stand flat-footed and throw a guy out at third base, that’s another thing.

“He already throws the ball harder than anyone in the league. He can run faster than anyone in the game. And who can hit the ball farther?”

Trivia Answer: All were members of the 1984 world champion Detroit Tigers.

Quotebook

Tulane football Coach Mack Brown, on the team’s 1-3 record after a one-point loss to Wichita State last week: “I feel like the guy in the javelin competition who won the toss and elected to receive.”