MOVIEUNDERGOING

Perlmutter has her moviegoing experiences ruined by people who guffaw too much. Not me.

I have mine ruined by parents who bring along their infants and toddlers, who naturally cry and carry on during the entire movie.

What a 10-month-old kid is going to get out of “Heartbreak Ridge,” which I suffered through recently at a United Artists theater, is beyond me. I know what I got--a headache, high blood pressure and a strong desire to wrench that M-16 out of Clint Eastwood’s hands so I could blow away that kid and her parents.

My wife and I went to drive-ins when our three kids were “little.” Yes, it was a bit nerve-wracking at times--they cried, they fought, they spilled their drinks and worst of all, they demanded to be taken home every 15 minutes. But we survived.

Now that the kids are older and we can once again enjoy walk-in theaters, we find that we’re unable to because of inconsiderate parents and ignorant, money-hungry theater owners/managers.

Why can’t R-rated movies be labled “No one under 17 unless accompanied by a parent; No one under 5 unless accompanied by Clint Eastwood and an M-16”? (I also enjoyed paying $5.50 to see a movie with a vertical green line running through the print for the first 25 minutes. Thanks, UA.)

LOU COHAN

Cypress