Dear Answer Man . . .
I'm still steamed up about the outcome of the Hagler-Leonard fight. Any fight fan knows that a champion should get the benefit of the doubt in scoring, that he should have to be beaten convincingly to lose his title on a decision, right?
Oh, absolutely. That's the kind of thinking that has given prizefighting such an upstanding reputation through the years. Why should the judges simply score the fight the way they see it? That would be stupid.
In fact, I think other sports should follow boxing's lead. The Giants won the Super Bowl, so next season the zebras should look the other way when a Giant is guilty of clipping or holding, and the refs should give the champs those extra inches if they're close to a first down. And the Mets should get a break on close calls. They earned it!
Say, pal, you must love the sensitive work done in the Olympic Games by Eastern Bloc judges in skating and gymnastics.
Bob Horner didn't get the contract he wanted from the Atlanta Braves, so he signed with the Yakult Swallows in Japan. Do you think that was the right move for Bob?
Well, as I whispered to Larry Mize last Sunday while he lined up a 140-foot chip, "I think that's the right club." Judging by Horner's waistline and constant weight battle, the thing he does best is swallow. However, I think the Japanese fans and players will discover that Horner is a "tweener"--too skinny to turn sumo, too fat to fit into the dugout.
What will happen now to "Destruct and destroy , " Marvelous Marvin Hagler's slogan ?
For his next fight, Hagler will come up with a new slogan, something catchy like, "Hit something." As for his old slogan, Hagler has already sold the first part of it to the L.A. Clippers.
I heard one L.A. radio newsman refer to media people who were critical of Al Campanis as "jackals jumping on a bandwagon." What's your opinion of jackals jumping on a bandwagon?
It's the best place for 'em. If you let jackals run the streets, they make a mess and scare the kids. Keep 'em on the bandwagon. Of course, that's easy for me to say, I'm not a tuba player.
Considering how lightning-fast those greens were at the Masters, what would have happened to Mize's winning chip shot if it hadn't hit the flagstick?
Right about now it would be picking up speed, passing cars on Peachtree Street in Atlanta. Instead of the shot heard 'round the world, it would've been the shot shot 'round the world.
I think the problem at Augusta National is that the greens are trimmed too short. Who is the greenskeeper?
Marvelous Marvin Hagler's barber.
I love a bold leader. Dallas Green, president of the Cubs, recently moved the location of several players' lockers in the Wrigley Field clubhouse, in order to break up player cliques. What do you think?
That should take care of that problem.
What a game by Kansas City rookie Bo Jackson Monday! Kid goes 4 for 4, with two homers, including a grand slam! He's batting .500! This is the young man the media were trying to write off last season as a baseball flop. After the Monday game, Bo said, "Everybody doubted Bo but Bo." Now what do you media jackals have to say about Bo?
That's Dr. Jackal to you, pal. OK, OK, I was wrong about Bo. I won't say another bad word about him, not another Bo peep. Except to say he's got my nomination for Cooperstown.
I was saddened by the incident at Shea Stadium Sunday, where an innocent dove was killed by a fly ball off the bat of Atlanta's Dion James. The dove was given a decent burial, I trust?
Even better, the bird was invited to the Braves' postgame buffet.
I read that Chris Evert Lloyd divorced John Lloyd and went to court to have her name legally changed. What did she change it to?
Marvelous Chris Evert. And wait till you see her new haircut.
In a recent survey by USA Today to determine the number of minority employees at management-level positions in major league baseball, the California Angels checked in with three. One of them was the team's executive chef. That's a pretty good representation, isn't it?
Fabulous. And the Angels sold themselves short on the survey. They didn't even bother to mention all their minority employees who are executive peanut vendors and executive sweepers on the Postgame Stadium Cleanup Committee.