EASTERN CONFERENCE : Next for Lakers: Motown or Yet Another Tea Party?

Who will the Lakers play? Or, more to the point, who would the Lakers rather play?

Their old buddies, the Boston Celtics, who have won championship after championship?

Or those complete strangers, the Detroit Pistons, who have never won much of anything?

The National Basketball Assn.’s best-of-seven Eastern Conference playoff series between Boston and Detroit is even at two wins apiece. Game 5 will be played tonight at Boston Garden.

“I think Detroit’s gonna do it,” said Billy Cunningham, CBS-TV analyst. “I think they’re gonna find some way of dethroning the Celtics.”

Piston guard Isiah Thomas said: “I like our position. I’m an optimistic person, so I look at it this way: You say the odds are against us. I say the odds are with us, because it’s about time somebody else got to the championships.”

Celtic center Robert Parish, wrapping his fingers around his windpipe, said: “They’re gonna choke.”

All the Lakers can do is wait and watch. They won’t know until late Thursday night, at the earliest, who their opponent will be in the championship series, and they might not know until the Celtics and Pistons meet for a seventh time on Saturday.

The Lakers and their fans probably have mixed feelings.

If it’s Boston, they get to: (a) resume the rivalry; (b) ensure hot TV ratings; (c) go back to the madness of Boston Garden; (d) hear more of “Beat LA! Beat LA!” in the place where it all began; (e) enjoy more of Magic Johnson vs. Larry Bird; (f) enjoy more of Chick Hearn vs. Johnny Most; (g) dethrone the defending champions, and (h) chant “Beat B-O! Beat B-O!”

If it’s Detroit, they get to: (a) see somebody different for a change; (b) play in front of huge crowds at the Silverdome; (c) return Magic to his family and friends in Michigan; (d) enjoy Magic vs. Isiah; (e) laugh at the Celtics for not making the finals, as Boston fans did at the Lakers a year ago; (f) avoid the controversy over whether CBS broadcaster Tom Heinsohn is biased; (g) avoid the built-in injury alibi Boston would have, and (h) watch Detroit’s Dennis Rodman try to hit the rim on his free throws.

Either way, it should be interesting.

The Boston-Detroit series has become a war of home floors. Four games have been played, not one of them closer than nine points. Those stereotypes about needing to pay attention only to the last two minutes of NBA games have no bearing at all on this series.

While the Pistons have not lost at the Silverdome throughout the postseason, the hobbling Celtics did drop one at the Garden against the Milwaukee Bucks and had trouble winning Game 7 of that series there. They would appear to be vulnerable, particularly considering how well the Pistons played over the weekend.

However, the Celtics have won an incredible 83 of their last 86 games at the Garden. For them, there really is no place like home.

“I don’t know what it is about Boston Garden,” Celtic guard Sam Vincent said. “There are no ghosts or leprechauns working for us. Our baskets are round, just like anywhere else. But we do come out feeling a lot better.”

Still, the consensus seems to be that Detroit came closer to winning on the road than Boston did. The Celtics were completely outplayed at the Silverdome, losing by 18 and 26 points. Midway through the fourth period of the games at Boston, though, the Pistons still had a chance.

About the Boston Garden, Piston forward Adrian Dantley said: “There was so much noise, we couldn’t hear ourselves think. We have to tune that stuff out. When we concentrate on playing basketball and nothing else but playing basketball, we’re a match for the Celtics. We can beat them, at our place or at their place.”

Thomas said: “We played great basketball at home, and I don’t know if we can play any better. But we don’t have to, as long as we can sustain what we’re doing.”

It is obvious that, if not necessarily the better team, Detroit is the healthier team. So far, the Pistons are not reporting so much as a hangnail.

Boston might not have a healthy player. And the closest thing it has to one, Bird, has not been shooting well, although he is averaging 26.4 points a game in the series. But going back to Boston, to the Birdhouse, can be good for what ails you.

“Once a home crowd gets going, if you have some aches and pains, they tend to take that away,” Bird said.

He also knows what sort of treatment the Garden crowd has in store for Bill Laimbeer, the Piston center who knocked Bird to the floor in Game 3 and precipitated a fight. On Monday, the NBA fined Laimbeer $5,000, obviously concluding that he was the more-guilty party, since Bird was fined only $2,000.

“I hope they don’t do anything drastic,” Bird said of the Boston crowd. “I don’t want somebody to hurt him. They’re going to be loud. They’re going to be boisterous. They’re going to be obnoxious. That’s OK. But I don’t want them to be dangerous.”

Bird’s big concern about this year’s Celtics is: “We don’t bounce back. It used to be, if we lost one on the road, you could guarantee the next game we were not going to lose.” That has been lacking this season, he said.

It’s something for the Lakers to file away and remember, if they play the Celtics for the championship.

If . . .

Eastern Conference Notes

Besides the big fines to Bill Laimbeer and Larry Bird, the NBA slapped a $500 one on Bill Walton for leaving the bench during the fight. . . . Isiah Thomas, on how he expects his teammate to handle Boston’s crowd: “You have to understand Laimbeer’s mentality. Laimbeer is the type of guy who loves to prove you wrong. He’ll take on 20,000 people and love it.” . . . The Celtics have never lost a playoff series in which they have owned a 2-0 lead . . . Rick Mahorn, Piston power forward, has missed only 2 of 27 free throws in the series. Rookie Dennis Rodman, who shot two air balls on free throws in Game 2, is 17 of 31 . . . Former-Clipper Kurt Nimphius has played in only 4 of 12 games for the Pistons in the postseason.