Stomping and spraying and swatting of God’s little animals must cease. : Praying For the Mantis

Human sacrifice began among the ancients, as I understand it, the day an animal activist rose boldly to his feet in a crowd gathered to watch a cow being sacrificed to the god of bridal fertility and shouted, “Spare the poor cow!”

The Priests who were about to toss the cow into a fire pit were stunned by the sudden interruption in their holy services but, at the same time, impressed by the courage it took for one of their parishioners to speak up on behalf of a Guernsey milker.

They were so impressed, in fact, that they discussed it among themselves for a few moments, then voted on the spot not to toss the cow into the flames. They threw in the animal activist instead.

That was a long time ago, of course, and human sacrifices are no longer tolerated in civilized parts of the world, except when it involves legal execution or justifiable patriotism.

We also do not sacrifice cows in holy rituals, although we do occasionally dissect a frog or an earthworm for purposes of educating our young in the ways of science and cruelty.

And, as one might expect, an animal activist is shouting, “Save the poor earthworm!”

I am referring to last week’s protest at Van Nuys High by students objecting to the dissection of little creatures in their science labs.

By little creatures I do not mean puppy dogs or kitty-cats, but the aforementioned frogs and worms who traditionally volunteer as lab assistants in order to facilitate a sophomore’s understanding of biology.

The students, who otherwise would concern themselves with drinking beer and making out, were encouraged by adult animal rights activists to conduct the protest, and since it is almost the end of the term, the kids figured it would be a good way to get out of class.

I’m not knocking the idea. The protest movement of the 1960s began on a sun-kissed afternoon in Berkeley when Mario Savio yawned and observed that the capitalistic, racist, war-mongering teacher-dogs had no right to keep anyone in class on a day like this. The rest is history.

I was in favor of the protests of the ‘60s and am similarly disposed toward the mini-movement that finds Van Nuys High massing the first demonstration against lab dissections ever conducted by students in the United States.

I’m for it not only because it channels the otherwise violent energies of the little dears (you can’t beat up a teacher when you’re out saving a frog), but also because it provides companionship for those who are not invited to join exclusive campus clubs.

High school is an important time for young people, and while marching in a campaign to Save the Frog isn’t the same as being voted the Cutest Girl in Class, it’s something.

I do not mean by that observation, however, to demean the honest efforts of those who seriously believe the earthworm is being treated unfairly in America.

In fact, I think the campaign against cruelty to animals hasn’t gone far enough. What about the poor cockroach? The garden snail? The tiny flea? The helpless fly? The gentle ant? The devout praying mantis?

We are wiping them out by the billions, using toxic powders and liquids that no doubt put them through agonizing pain before they crawl under a daisy leaf or collapse in a casserole to die.

It’s a cruel way to do in another living creature simply because they quest for a tiny share of our food supply and occasionally bite when they feel they are being approached in a hostile manner.

Picture yourself sitting in a garden, munching on the tender leaf of a young petunia, when a shadow falls over you. You look up in time to see a giant foot descending at what must seem warp speed to crush your fragile shell and grind your gelatine body into the earth.

My God, it must be horrible.

I have thought a good deal about these cruelties, thanks to the students at Van Nuys High, and now realize that the confrontation between man and the lesser creatures is rooted in both ownership and the territorial imperative.

We feel hostile toward most small animals because they eat our plants and doo-doo on our sugar cubes, and a facet of this hostility overflows to frogs and earthworms, so we have no compunctions about dissecting them.

I feel that the cutting up and stomping and spraying and swatting of God’s little animals must cease in the name of simple humanity, but I also feel that the little animals have a responsibility not to eat our plants or nasty on our sugar cubes.

I am therefore suggesting that the animal activists establish a program of retraining the fleas and rats and flies and cockroaches to grow their own food and the problem will be solved.

Then we can get on to a problem as equally pressing, for which neither the animal activists nor the students at Van Nuys High have marched or picketed.

Saving ourselves from each other.