At Its Best, It’s a Very Shaky Story

Laker publicist Josh Rosenfeld claims it’s a true story, and so far nobody has refuted it.

During the preseason, Frank Ford, a sixth-round choice from Auburn, was relaxing in his room watching television. He picked up the remote control and pressed a button to change channels. The bed he was sitting on began to shake violently.

Rosenfeld: “Frank thought that pushing the button activated a vibrator in the bed. After the shaking stopped, he wanted the bed to vibrate again and kept pushing the button.”

You know the punch line, of course. If you don’t, the date was Oct. 1.

Add Forgettable Quotes: Said San Francisco 49ers Coach Bill Walsh before Monday night’s game against the Chicago Bears: “The running game is non-existent against the Bears. If we had goals for the ground game, they’d be so minimal that you wouldn’t recognize them as goals. If you look at the statistics, people can’t run the ball on them.”

The 49ers gained 198 yards in 41 carries, an average of 4.8 yards per carry.

Trivia Time: Who is the only basketball player to be named the most valuable player of the National Collegiate Athletic Assn. Final Four and the National Basketball Assn. Finals, playing both times for losing teams? (Answer below.)

According to Tim Kurkjian of the Baltimore Sun, George Brett has been spending part of the off-season working out with golfer Fred Couples. Using a first baseman’s mitt, Brett catches balls hit by Couples with his 8-iron.

Says Brett: “It gets tough when Freddie brings out the driver.”

From Lou Holtz, claiming his toughest job this year has been camouflaging Notre Dame’s deficiencies, such as a minimal passing attack and a weak pass rush: “It’s like you’ve got termites and you’re trying to sell the house. You know there’s termites, but the guy buying the house doesn’t.”

After the Boston Red Sox obtained Lee Smith from the Chicago Cubs, Roger Clemens told the Boston Globe: “He’s done well in the daylight and he’ll be even tougher at night. One thing I’m not really proud of is those 18 complete games, and this will give me a chance to come out once in a while.

“Now I can just air it out for seven innings. Sometimes I’ve had to pace myself in the middle innings, knowing I’ll have to close.”

Mike Tyson, on Larry Holmes: “I used to be crazy about him. When I was a kid, I loved him. He had heart. I love a guy who has heart. But that was before I met him. Now, I don’t like him at all.”

Said the Boston Celtics’ Danny Ainge when asked what he was thinking when Larry Bird went off the floor with two injured ankles earlier in the year: “The size of my playoff share was the first thing that went through my mind.”

Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls, on his golf games with Jim McMahon of the Bears: “The only difference between me and Jim is that he throws his clubs farther when he gets mad.”

Trivia Answer: Jerry West. He was named MVP after West Virginia lost to Cal in the 1958-59 NCAA final and after the Lakers lost to the Boston Celtics in the 1968-69 NBA final.

Quotebook

Claudell Washington of the New York Yankees, asked why he went out for track instead of baseball in high school: “Because the track coach was the biology teacher, and I had trouble with biology. I’m not crazy.”