Growing Tired of Bears in Hibernation, Ditka Leaves 9 Wake-Up Calls

In navy-and-orangedom, preparations for the Raiders are off to a big start. Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka has bade farewell to his local press corps for the week--he says he has been getting too much attention--with a little announcement on the way out the door:

He’s making changes at 9 of the 22 positions in the lineup.

He’s pulling the plug on his Fridge and starting a male stripper at cornerback. Really.

And at quarterback?

“We’re going to play Sid Luckman, honey,” Mike Ditka said from Chicago on Wednesday’s conference call, a female reporter having posed the question.

“You know who he is? He’s only about 70, but he’s a heck of a guy. He can still move.”

Just kidding. At quarterback, it’s Mike Tomczak, who’s 45 years younger, if generally less successful.

But how do you tell the jokes from the real moves lately?

Owner of a 10-4 record, but a two-game losing streak, Ditka has decided on changes that include:

Left cornerback--Maurice Douglass, who earns money doing stripteases at parties, replaces Mike Richardson. Douglass, the Bear nickel back, is not only pretty, he’s inexperienced. He’s never started a National Football League game, and besides that, hasn’t been a cornerback since he was at the University of Kentucky. The Raider receivers are reportedly holding an auction to see who starts on that side.

Left defensive tackle--Dan Hampton replaces William (The Refrigerator) Perry.

“Bill has played pretty good,” Ditka said. “Everybody wants to take this the wrong way. I want to see if we can get a little more pass rush inside, right now.

“I just know one thing. If somebody sat me down, it’d motivate the hell out of me. . . . Anybody who takes something like that lightly, chances are they won’t be around here next year, anyways.”

Oh.

Left offensive tackle--John Wojciechowski, a replacement player who has never been in a non-strike game, replaces Paul Blair. Blair was called for a costly holding penalty last week at the Seattle five-yard line.

Right guard--Tom Thayer, who has started 40 straight games, will sit in favor of Kurt Becker. Thayer was called for a costly illegal block last week at the Seattle nine-yard line.

The other Bear moves: Matt Suhey replaces injured Neal Anderson at fullback; Ron Rivera replaces injured Otis Wilson at right linebacker; Al Harris replaces Dan Hampton at left end, with Hampton taking Perry’s right tackle spot; Gary Fencik replaces free safety Dave Duerson, who takes Todd Bell’s strong safety spot.

Isn’t all this another way of Ditka announcing his team is in trouble?

“Well, I think everybody has already assumed that we’re in trouble,” said Ditka, the Bear loyalist.

“And that’s kind of good. I kind of like that. So just let ‘em write us off. . . . No, I don’t think we’re in trouble, but I wouldn’t argue with anybody about it. Let ‘em write whatever they want to.”

Since coaches are always talking up continuity, isn’t he running a risk?

“I doubt it,” said Ditka, the Bear critic. “Have you watched us play lately? That’s the kind of continuity I don’t need any more of. I want to get some of that old-fashioned continuity where you line up and knock somebody’s jock off.”

Ditka, of course, is still willing but too old and now must mellow out in other ways, socially accepted and otherwise.

At Minnesota three weeks ago, he chased an official and allegedly spit on him.

At San Francisco two weekends ago, he hurled his gum into the stands.

Back home in Chicago last week, he stopped talking with the press, except on Sundays, Mondays and his radio show.

“I’ve been embroiled in no controversies,” said Ditka, the serene. “Some people in the Chicago media and the San Francisco media saw fit to, I don’t know, to glamorize that . . . believe me--It’s just the most, the greatest--well, it’s a bunch of . . . that’s what it is.

“And the thing is, you guys don’t understand--I’m in the media here every day. The thing that happens, I’ve become the focal point instead of the football team.

“I told the guys (reporters), ‘Wait a second, we’re missing the boat. . . . . . . take a couple weeks off. I’ll talk to you once a week and that’s it.’ ”

And the incident in Minnesota?

“I was dead wrong. I got excited and actually, as wrong as I was, I didn’t do what they said I did. Although I intended to. I was wrong and I apologize for that. In the heat of the game, I got excited. I could have sworn but I didn’t. I chose to do something else. That doesn’t make me right. Mike Ditka isn’t right when he does things like that. And I do a lot of things that aren’t right. But I think I’m man enough to say, ‘Hey, I’m sorry, I apologize, it was stupidity.’ ”

How about Bear suspicions that other officials have clamped down on the Bears, resulting in 18 penalties in two games?

Ditka laughs.

“I would say it’s kind of unusual. That’s all I can say about it.

“This is going to be an interesting week because they won’t know who the hell to call the penalties on out there with the Raiders and Bears playing. They don’t like either one of us, so that ought to be tough on ‘em. The Raiders are not the fair-haired boys of the NFL, and the Bears have certainly become very much less than the fair-haired boys. It looks like we’re not too much liked. They like us for their TV ratings, though.”

And we haven’t even gotten to the main controversy yet.

You can argue that the Bear slump dates from the departure of Ditka’s old rival, defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan, and the hiring of Vince Tobin, who promptly threw out Ryan’s attacking 46 defense. The Bear defense, which Steve Grogan said after the ’86 Super Bowl could make offense obsolete, is now just another good unit.

The last to argue this was Dennis McKinnon, a Bear receiver, who recently told Tobin publicly: “Wake up and smell the coffee.”

To which Ditka said: “People keep saying to me, ‘Vince does this and Vince does that.’ Well, you know Vince hasn’t played one play this year, and he didn’t play one play last year. It’s the guys on the field who have to make it happen.

“I’ve looked at the film. The only thing wrong is we don’t have enough guys busting their butts.”

And the reports that Ditka, himself, has been heard on the sidelines telling Tobin to turn his guys loose?

“There are times when I’ve said, ‘Hey, if things aren’t going good, just turn ‘em loose, let’s blitz a little more,” Ditka said. “But that’s not the answer, either. Because I don’t care if you blitz, if you zone, if you play man, you’ve got to cover people. And right now, we just aren’t covering people real well. We have a little problem at the cornerback position.”

How about their Super Bowl team, how did it cover?

“You know what happened two years ago, when we were in the Super Bowl? Nobody had time to throw the football! We didn’t have half those people covered, either!

“We actually got to the quarterback sometimes in a second-and-half. We’re not doing that right now. Hey listen, our No. 1 pass rusher (Richard Dent), sometimes he doesn’t get out of the blocks. I’m just being honest. All you’ve got to do is look at the films.”

OK, honestly, if getting to the quarterback means so much, why junk the 46?

“Well, it’s a different coach,” said Ditka, who hired the different coach.

“Do you really think that scheme is so good? Let me ask you something: Who plays that scheme right now, do you know?”

Ryan’s Eagles still play the 46, although without Bear personnel.

“Well, they’ve got the guy who has 21 sacks (Reggie White, who actually has 18 1/2). Do you know where they rank (in pass defense) in the NFC? 14. How many teams in the NFC? 14.

“Listen, this’ll shock you: You know where they are in the National Football League? 28th. How many teams are there in the National Football League? 28. Don’t give me that BS about they don’t have the same personnel. Right now, they have better personnel at some positions than we do.

“I don’t want to argue with you guys. What I’m trying to tell you are facts, not fiction. You guys are dealing in fiction out there, and you’re trying to make something controversial. It isn’t controversial at all.”

Ditka subsequently announced it would be Tomczak and Jim Harbaugh at quarterback, adding:

“Jim McMahon will be back for the playoffs. You guys won’t get a chance to see it unless you’re watching on TV.”

The Raider press corps broke up. Ditka having run a fast 30 minutes, there were no more questions.

“All right?” Iron Mike asked. “God bless you. See you Saturday.”

Raider Notes Howie Long and Todd Christensen were named to the American Football Conference Pro Bowl squad by a vote of conference players and coaches, giving the Raiders their lowest team total since they arrived in town. Players with Pro Bowl streaks halted were Mike Haynes, Marcus Allen and Don Mosebar. Also passed over were Vann McElroy, an omission Coach Tom Flores called “an injustice,” and James Lofton, who leads the conference with a 21.5-yard-per-reception average . . . Flores, asked if Lester Hayes was still officially part of the Raiders: “He’s officially under contract.” . . . Bo Jackson, who missed last week’s Raider loss to the Browns with a sprained right ankle, has again been listed as “questionable.” He hasn’t started to run on the field,” Flores said. “He has been jogging.” On Wednesday afternoon, Jackson did put on pads . . . Dokie Williams has a knee bruise and is listed as questionable.