This Marriage Doesn’t Seem Super

Jim Gatlin of Morrison, Colo., ran the following ad in the classified section of the Rocky Mountain News:

“Will Trade: Will trade my non-cooking and non-shopping wife with attitude problem for one Super Bowl ticket. No Indian-givers. Call Jim, 762-1000. Hurry.”

Gatlin claims he isn’t kidding, although he has been known to play practical jokes. He said the idea occurred to him the day after the AFC championship game, when it snowed heavily in Denver.

“She refused to go shopping,” he said. “She said the roads were too slick, so she made me do it. I get tired of that stuff after a while. If I could get a Super Bowl ticket, it would be a one-way trip.”

Sharon, his wife of 18 years, was asked what she thought about it.

“He’s dead meat,” she said.

George Raveling, after accusing his USC basketball team of quitting against Arizona, was asked how he would put some fight back into the Trojans.

“I’ll figure out some way,” he told the Daily Trojan. “I’ll watch ‘Patton’ or the Gipper or something. Maybe I’ll suit up.”

Trivia Time: What running back was the leading rusher in two Super Bowls playing for different teams? (Answer below.)

Coach Chuck Noll claims it’s deplorable the way Steeler fans have booed the team, particularly quarterback Mark Malone, but former tackle Charley Bradshaw told the Pittsburgh Press it was no better 25 years ago.

Bradshaw: “One time a guy in the stands was yelling at me, and my wife turned around and said, ‘That’s my husband.’ He hit her with his program and said, ‘I know, lady.’ ”

Ouch: Wrote Tom Weir of USA Today after covering a Don King press conference: “While introducing fighters from Italy, Canada, Argentina, Uruguay and Puerto Rico, King said, ‘We speak in many languages and many tongues.’ ”

Added Weir: “Including forked?”

From Green Bay Packers Vice President Tom Braatz, denying a rumor that Tom Flores would become the new coach: “Tom Flores has more money than the Green Bay Packers. He’s got 100 dealerships and a Coors distributorship. People from the Raiders tell me he doesn’t need football.”

Cleveland Browns receiver Brian Brennan, asked to compare Bernie Kosar to Doug Flutie, his quarterback at Boston College, told Leigh Montville of the Boston Globe:

“They’re nothing alike. The only thing that is the same is that they’re both great competitors. Bernie is probably the smarter quarterback, because he has to be. He doesn’t have the athletic talent Doug has. Doug can run better and throw better. Bernie has the better touch.

“I’ll say that Doug Flutie was the greatest college player ever to play the game. I’ll also say that Bernie Kosar has the better pro potential.”

Good-news-bad-news Dept.: “We’ve been getting better rebounding,” North Carolina State basketball Coach Jim Valvano said. “But mostly we’re rebounding our own missed shots.”

Trivia Answer: Wendell Tyler. In 1980, he gained 60 yards in 17 carries for the Rams in their 31-19 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers. In 1985, he gained 65 yards in 13 carries for the San Francisco 49ers in their 38-16 win over the Miami Dolphins.

Quotebook

Hall of Fame pitcher Robin Roberts, asked his greatest All-Star game thrill: “When Mickey Mantle bunted with the wind blowing out at Crosley Field.”