It’s Not Sour Enough for Lemons

When Abe Lemons was fired as University of Texas basketball coach in 1982 by Athletic Director DeLoss Dodds, he claimed that he wasn’t bitter, but he said, “The next car I get is going to have a window in the bottom.”

Asked why, he said, “So I can see the expression on DeLoss Dodds’ face when I run him over.”

Was he kidding?

Maybe not. This year, Bob Weltlich, the current Texas coach, invited Lemons, now the coach at Oklahoma City, to take part in ceremonies honoring Lemons’ 1978 Texas team, which won the NIT. Lemons rejected the invitation.

“I ain’t mad at Weltlich, and it wouldn’t be right for me to come tripping in there,” he said. “Now, if I thought someone was going to beat up DeLoss, I’d go just to visit him in the hospital.”

Kirk Gibson, after his blowup in Dodgertown, was quoted by the Ann Arbor (Mich.) News as saying, “I told Tommy Lasorda that now I can understand why the Dodgers finished fifth the past two seasons. They have their priorities wrong.”

This week’s Yogi Berra Award goes to University of Georgia basketball Coach Hugh Durham for this bit of wisdom: “It’s not how good you play when you play good. It’s how good you play when you play bad. And we can play bad as good as anyone in the country.”

Then there’s San Diego Manager Larry Bowa. Discussing his winter conversations with outfielder Stanley Jefferson, he said, “I talked to him five times. He called me twice, I called him twice.”

Trivia Time: Who were the Kansas City Scouts and what are they today? (Answer below.)

If you’ve ever wondered how Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain did against each other in head-to-head battles, Philadelphia 76ers statistician Harvey Pollack has come up with the answer.

In 142 regular-season and playoff games, Chamberlain averaged 28.7 points and 28.7 rebounds. Russell averaged 14.5 points and 23.7 rebounds.

Keith Moreland, traded from the Chicago Cubs to the San Diego Padres, already has managed to alienate fans of the Chargers.

Said Moreland, a one-time University of Texas linebacker: “San Diego doesn’t have a real good football team. That’s what’s really bothersome about the trade. But I guess I can still root for Mike Ditka and the Bears.”

Said minor league Manager Rocky Bridges, when asked about his hometown of Couer d’Alene, Idaho: “I’m so far out in the country that I have to go toward town to go hunting.”

Eddie Bird, brother of Larry, is leading Indiana State in scoring with a 15-point average and has been named freshman of the year in the Missouri Valley Conference.

Asked about his relationship with his brother, the 6-foot 6-inch forward said, “Larry is just my brother, and that means he’s like the rest of my brothers. He’s just a little richer.”

Said Oakland A’s coach Jim Lefebvre after pitching batting practice to Mark McGwire and watching a series of tape-measure jobs soar over the fences: “They say God created everybody equal. Bull.”

Trivia Answer: They were the National Hockey League team in Kansas City in 1974-76. They subsequently became the Colorado Rockies and now are the New Jersey Devils.

Quotebook

Boston Red Sox pitching coach Bill Fischer, on Dennis (Oil Can) Boyd, who is battling back from arm problems: “Oil Can was operating with some sludge last year, but he’s been the Oil Can of old this spring.”