Wanted: a Few Good Hash-Slinger Singers

If you’re as zany as Robin Williams, as winsome as Cybill Shepherd, as vocal as Terrence Trent D’Arby and as good with your footsies as Fred Astaire was with his, you may have a job at a new restaurant by the boardwalk in Mission Beach.

But you’d better be able to fry up some pretty mean potatoes, too, or you can exit stage right.

From 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. Thursday through Sunday, Belmont’s at the Beach--scheduled to open July 1--will hold auditions for kitchen and dining room help. But, if you happen by the Mission Playhouse those days, you might swear the goings-on were tryouts for “Les Miserables” rather than for best cheeseburger cook.

Belmont’s and its fast-food auxiliary, The Plunge Cafe, are part of the new Belmont Park retail and entertainment complex. The staff of 150 will have to have theatrical, as well as culinary, acumen by the time those ‘taters are ready to fry.

“We want to assemble a staff where you might be having dinner and all of a sudden the help starts up with a barbershop quartet,” said restaurant spokesman Kim Merrill. “We want singing, dancing, impromptu comedy, jokes, mime, serving food while standing on your head. We want it all . We’ll also have a live, full-exhibition kitchen.”

Belmont’s will seat more than 400, making it, in Merrill’s estimation, one of the biggest restaurants around, if not the very biggest in town. He expects more than 1,000 potential employees to audition for positions of waiter, waitress, host, hostess, bartender, line cook, prep cook, dishwasher and counter cleaner.

Your tip may depend on how well you handle your aria as opposed to your area.

Bearing Up at Yogi’s

The playoffs in the National Basketball Assn. have commanded what appears to be unparalleled fan enthusiasm, with loyalties splitting along regional lines. This exercise in demographics and geography is no more evident than at Yogi’s, a rowdy bar in Cardiff.

Yogi’s opened in December as a kind of valentine to anyone from Boston. The four Nordling brothers from Easton, Mass., own the bar, a kind of “Cheers” by the beach.

So, it was with disappointment that the Yogi’s crowd watched Friday’s game between the Detroit Pistons and the Boston Celtics, who were stopped before making it to the championship round for the first time in many a season.

Now Don Nordling finds himself in the strange position of having his bar--which carries a big-screen television and five smaller ones--dominated by fans of . . . ugh . . . the Los Angeles Lakers, Boston’s much-loathed nemesis. Even Celtics superstar Larry Bird played horrendously in the recent series, which for Bostonians is akin to Paul Revere falling off his horse.

“You may not believe this,” Nordling said in conspiratorial whisper, “but we may actually root for the Lakers. Most Celtics fans hate Detroit. I mean, we hate them. So you could see a pretty strange thing in here--a bunch of us guys from Boston rooting for L.A. Geez. . . . “

The main thing Nordling and the brothers hope for now is for baseball’s Red Sox to make it to autumn’s World Series. Yogi’s carries the distinction of showing, via its satellite dish, every Celtics and Red Sox game.

“Everyone loves the Celtics,” Nordling said with a patrician sigh, “but the Bosox, they’re our religion.”

The Spinal Oscar

The San Diego County Chiropractic Society has announced finalists for its Divine Spine Contest as a way of kicking off Chiropractic Wellness Week (June 11-17).

The winners are:

- Bending Over Backwards Award (for trying the hardest): Jesse Jackson, “who, even though his efforts seem to have fallen short, promises to go on and on and on and on and on and on. . . . “

- What’s Your Sign Spine Award (for the person with the most astrologically correct spine): Nancy Reagan, for whom the “planets were perfectly aligned. She may be seeing stars while she waits for the cosmic dust to settle following the Regan revelations, but, with the announcement of this prestigious award, she can relax--her aura has come!”

- Porcu-spine Award: Roger Hedgecock, “who has done a fascinating job of adjusting himself--from politician to sharp-tongued talk-show host.” On the other hand, perhaps this was really a very minor manipulation.

- The Reclined Spine Award (for the most remarkable performance in a reclining position): Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker, Gary Hart, Donna Rice and Jessica Hahn: “This would make a cocktail party to remember! It would be hard to separate the spines, much less align them.”