Gretzky and L.A.: Deal Is Great One

Having designed new uniforms for the local hockey club, owner Bruce McNall went shopping Tuesday and bought something to put in ‘em--Wayne Gretzky.

For about a dozen very solid reasons, the deal might be the Kings’ all-time bonehead trade, a sellout of the franchise’s future.

However, if this is the same Wayne Gretzky I’m thinking of, you can take those dozen reasons, wrap ‘em in a bundle shaped like a large hockey puck, slap-shoot the bundle into the L.A. River and watch it drift to sea with the other debris.

We got Gretzky. Eat your hearts out, world.

So what if Gretzky will have to skate in a line with Dyan Cannon and a Forum usher? So what if they’ll have to spray Wayne’s uniform with Goon-Be-Gone to keep the league’s thugs from treating him the way Mike Tyson treats his heavy bag? So what if Wayne might only play a couple of years, then retire?

Picky, picky, picky.

This is Wayne Gretzky, fans. The Great One. The greatest hockey player ever. Maybe the greatest athlete ever.

Excuse my hyperventilating. After all, this might be a bad trade for the Kings.

Let’s consult our panel of experts, shall we?

“It’s unbelievable!” said Magic Johnson, the Wayne Gretzky of basketball. “This is a dream come true for the fans. This will put the Kings where they want to be. I’m definitely going to get season tickets. I used to go to four or five games a year, whenever Edmonton was in town. I’ll really go to a lot of games now.

“He’s amazing. Even if they never win a game, it will still be exciting to go now.”

Wait, Magic. Gretzky won’t be surrounded by great players, as he was in Edmonton.

“He’s going to add the winningness that he has to the other Kings players,” Johnson explained.

Pat Quinn, former King coach and now general manager and president of the Vancouver Canucks, seconded Magic.

“Wayne was the catalyst in Edmonton,” Quinn said. “He can serve the same purpose down there. I think it’s a tremendous deal for Los Angeles.

“It does make a big sacrifice for the future. Historically, deals like this have been made and haven’t worked well (for the team receiving the superstar), but usually it’s a declining veteran that’s involved. Gretzky hasn’t shown signs of decline. If he plays longer than three years, it’s a tough deal not to make.”

Kirk McCaskill, the Angels’ ace pitcher and a former pro hockey player, made it unanimous.

“Gretzky in L.A.!” McCaskill said. “That’s unbelievable! This is the greatest thing that could happen! The Kings need some excitement. They need to get people involved. I’ll be lining up to get my season tickets. . . . Actually I won’t, because I already get free tickets. But I’ll be going to a lot of games.”

Trying once again to interject reason into the discussion, I mentioned that Gretzky might not be as good a player with the Kings, with less protection and fewer talented teammates. McCaskill dismissed this speculation with two words:

“Gretzky’s Gretzky.”

In Edmonton, he’s more than that. That city is outraged. Gretzky may have to sneak out of town the way the Colts left Baltimore. On Edmonton radio call-in shows, Wayne’s new wife, L.A. actress Janet Jones, is being likened to Yoko Ono, the woman who supposedly broke up the Beatles.

For Los Angeles, this is almost embarrassing. We keep stealing superstars. The Lakers stole Wilt Chamberlain, then Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, then Magic. Result: Several National Basketball Assn. championships.

The Raiders needed help, so they stole Marcus Allen from the rest of the league, and he led the team to a Super Bowl championship. They needed help again, so they stole Bo Jackson from the Kansas City Royals and he turned the team around, sort of.

The Rams stole Eric Dickerson from the World Football League, and he turned the franchise around before being chased out of town.

Los Angeles stole entire championship franchises from Brooklyn and Minneapolis and Oakland. It’s almost as if all we have to do is whistle and wave our Hollywood sign, and the great ones, including the Great One, come running.

Hey, can we help it if we’re a lovable city?

“It’s so funny,” Magic Johnson said, “I talked to Wayne four or five years ago and he was saying how he always wanted to be here. Hey, he belongs here. He’s the greatest. Wayne Gretzky belongs in L.A.”

That kind of civic smugness won’t endear our city to the rest of the world. But what the heck, it’s true.

Edmonton probably thinks Gretzky won’t be appreciated in a city where hockey players rank below rhythmic gymnasts on the celebrity scale. All that changed Tuesday. I pity the poor maitre d’ who has one table open when both Magic Johnson and Wayne Gretzky are standing at the front door.

Like Magic, Gretzky is dripping with charm and class. He is warm and accommodating to the fans and reporters. He donates great amounts of time and money to charity. He would go off at no worse than even money in a wardrobe showdown with Pat Riley.

And he plays hockey with a magic wand.

At a press conference Tuesday, Oiler owner Peter Pocklington said: “I don’t mind telling you that when Bruce McNall approached me and asked what it would take to get Wayne to L.A., I asked for the entire Kings franchise and an option on Jerry Buss’ Lakers.”

That little jest was greeted by the stony silence of 10 million Canadians. It was so quiet in Edmonton that you could hear hearts breaking.

Imagine if the Lakers traded Magic Johnson to the Genoa Pasta Benders of the Italian Basketball League for a trillion lire and three hot prospects named Guido.

So out of respect to Edmonton, let’s not gloat too openly. This was just a hockey trade.

Still--Gretzky in L.A.!