Lasorda’s Act Isn’t Playing in Oakland

The mood of this city?

Don’t ask. The city is cranky and sullen, with small pockets of optimism. Call Oakland crankily, sullenly optimistic.

The local ballclub is bashing the baseball at a .159 clip in this World Series, is serving up timely gopher balls to Dodger hitters, and seems on the verge of the kind of legendary collapse that would bring shame and dishonor crashing down upon the entire populace.

And it’s not just the losing, not just the 0-2, although that’s painful enough. It’s also . . . Well, here’s a list:

Stars. Even Miss USA, Courtney Gibbs, has hopped aboard the Dodger bandwagon, according to the San Francisco Examiner. As if the Dodgers needed beefing up in the star department.

As Curt Gowdy would say, Gibbs was originally born in Texas. But she has adopted those lovable Dodgers, because “I was an underdog running for Miss USA.”

Sure, I remember. Courtney went off at 50 to 1. Her win was a gutty come-from-behind performance.

The city of Oakland has underdogs, but it doesn’t have stars. Johnny Mathis is a homeboy, he went to high school in the Bay Area, yet he sang the national anthem for the Dodgers in the playoffs.

Actually the A’s do have a star on their side. And their star, star-wise, could kick Miss America’s butt.

On the A’s clubhouse bulletin board is posted a congratulatory letter from Mick Jagger. Or, as ballplayers would surely call him, Mickey Jagger.

The letter congratulates the A’s and their owner on winning the Western Division championship. The letter is typewritten, no doubt by Mickey himself, and co-signed by some bobo.

It’s doubtful Mickey Jagger will show up tonight to strut the national anthem, but Oakland hearts have to be warmed by the knowledge that someone famous at least knows they are alive.

Ironically, the A’s theme song in this series has become “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.”

Lasorda. Tommy on TV with Johnny, sharing the monologue. Tommy having dinner with Georgie Bush. Tommy talking pregame strategy on the phone with Frankie Sinatra.

Tommy plugging his restaurant (“Did I mention which off-ramp?”). Tommy plugging his team. Tommy on camera constantly during games, pacing, brooding, plotting, arguing, scratching, hugging, leaping.

Enough, say the fans of Oakland.

When someone suggested to Basher Dave Parker that perhaps the A’s took the Dodgers lightly, Basher Dave said, “Nobody’s taking anyone lightly. That’s Lasorda’s B.S. . . . How can we take them lightly?”

Especially Lasorda.

The New York Mets. They had to go and extend the Dodgers to 7 games, get the Dodgers primed for the Fall Classic while the A’s were cooling their heels after sweeping the Boston Red Sox. “Parker says week off is reason for A’s slump,” reads a headline in the Oakland Tribune.

“We had the week off,” Parker says, as if that explains everything.

The time off hurt the A’s. So guess which team was given the day off Monday (optional).

Bulldog Hershiser. It’s not enough that Los Angeles has Magic, Gretzky, Bo and FloJo. They also have to have the world’s greatest pitcher, too?

How good is Orel?

“He’s so good,” says Phoenix sportswriter Joe Gilmartin, “that Lasorda can’t even exaggerate him.”

Orelmania seems to be getting on the A’s nerves.

“He’s not overpowering,” Mark McGwire said, “he just spots the ball very well.”

He spots the ball. That makes what Hershiser did Sunday sound almost dainty, like needlepoint.

Spotting the ball is something the Basher batsmen have not been successful at. They couldn’t spot the ball if you gave ‘em binoculars and radar.

If form holds, the only way A’s hitters will get a good look at a ball thrown by Hershiser is if they visit Cooperstown next winter.

And that’s getting on their nerves.

Fate. Jose Canseco pointed out that the homers hit at Dodger Stadium by Mike Marshall and Mickey Hatcher wouldn’t have gone out of the Oakland Coliseum.

Of course, neither would Canseco’s 3 groundouts and 2 strikeouts.

Still, the A’s are counting on cashing in on the home-field advantage. Forgetting, of course, that the Dodgers play better on the road. They split with the Mets at Dodger Stadium, remember, and essentially won the pennant at Shea Stadium.

“When we get home and get our fans behind us,” Basher third baseman Carney Lansford said, “it will be a different story.”

Like, maybe, “A’s Lose at Home.”

The A’s are getting irritated. When someone mentioned to Tony La Russa that there is talk of the A’s choking, the Basher skipper bristled.

“That’s the most irritating thing I’ve heard,” he said. “We’ve been under pressure all year. We were in front the whole season, and that’s pressure enough.”

But that kind of pressure is kid stuff compared to the World Series pressure, and to the kind of grinding, irritating pressure the Dodgers and their fans can lay on you.

I won’t say the Bashers’ collars are getting too tight. But they certainly seem uncomfortable.

“I haven’t seen anything exceptional out there from the Dodgers,” Parker said.

Denial, it is said, is one of the stages of death.

Not that the Bashers, or their Oakland fans, are dying. It’s just that the city is gripped in a heat wave and a Dodger wave.

They badly need a cool breeze.