Fontes’ First Reaction to Lion Job Is Confusion

Wayne Fontes figures his most difficult hour as Detroit Lions coach is behind him, since it was the first hour after landing the job.

After Lion owner William Clay Ford named him head coach Thursday, Fontes said he was in a daze.

“I recall going down in the elevator and getting into my car,” he said. “Then I guess I took a wrong turn and couldn’t get out of the parking lot. I’m sure Mr. Ford was looking out his window and saw me.

“He probably thought, ‘My God, I just hired a man who can’t get out of a parking lot!’ ”

After finally escaping the parking lot, Fontes decided to stop and pray.

“I passed a steeple and thought it was a Catholic church,” he said. “I went inside and thought it was kind of strange there was no holy water. Pretty soon I saw a man in a beanie.

“It was a synagogue. But God was there, and I’m sure he was listening.”

From an Idaho State release wrapping up the 1988 football season: “Idaho State had 177 yards in kickoff returns vs. Nevada Reno to end the season with 1,215 total yards. It was the third consecutive year ISU has been in four figures in kickoff returns.”

The fans hope it’s the last. While returning all those kickoffs, ISU has gone 3-7-1, 2-9 and 0-11.

Trivia Time: As a follow-up to the item on Tom House catching Henry Aaron’s 715th homer in the bullpen, John Clendening of West Los Angeles asks, “Who was the Dodger left fielder who climbed the fence and probably had the best view of House’s catch?” (Answer to follow.)

When the Rams knocked the New York Giants out of the playoffs by beating the San Francisco 49ers, Phil Simms of the Giants said, “The 49ers lay down like dogs.”

Most of the 49ers have declined comment, but at least one has responded, and he’s appropriately named.

Said offensive guard Bruce Collie: “At least we’re still in the kennel. Simms got turned out.”

Under the headline, “Parity Pete’s Party-Pooper Playoffs,” Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post wrote:

“Curse you, Parity Pete. Curse you for finally getting your schedule-making henchmen to succeed in arranging the noxious balance you’ve been striving for, a league overflowing with ordinariness and mediocrity. Curse you for 10 teams with either 10-6 or 9-7 records. (And of the three that finished 12-4, Chicago has six gimme wins each season, playing in that silly, pathetic division, while both Buffalo and Cincinnati were coughing at the wire.) Curse you for bleeding the good teams dry, for de-glitterizing the game. Who’s your MVP in this season of the bland leading the bland? Mine is Mike Ditka’s cardiologist.”

The quote of the year? Wallace Matthews of Newsday nominates this response by Don King to Bill Cayton’s statement that he would remain Mike Tyson’s manager because of a promise Cayton had made to Cus D’Amato: “The man is a necromancer, the leader of the cult of the dead. He’s basing all of his actions on 17 versions of an alleged deathbed confession to Cus D’Amato. He’s completely gone, a power-mad zealot. He’s become an obsequious, omnipotent, omniscient, obnoxious figure.”

Trivia Answer: Bill Buckner.

Quotebook

Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post, on Houston’s problems outside the Astrodome: “Some team must be worse on the road than the Oilers, but only John Candy and Steve Martin come to mind.”