Pretty Soon, This Column Might Be Brought to You By . . .

Two relatively new phenomena, which seem to be related, are starting to get on my nerves.

You saw one during the National Football League playoffs: “This kickoff is brought to you by Budweiser.”

I imagine a Clydesdale could kick a football a long way, given the proper training, but I never saw one on the screen. It always seemed that the kickoff was being brought about by a kicker.

This, of course, is the phenomenon that seems to indicate that eventually every aspect of every game will be bought and sponsored.

You have probably guessed by now that unwieldly names are my other gripe, particularly those with blatant commercial overtones.

Upcoming in February, for example, is the Shearson Lehman Hutton Open, which was recently trimmed a bit from the Shearson Lehman Hutton Andy Williams Open. I’m not sure why Andy Williams became disassociated with the tournament, unless maybe he was tired of being asked for tips on the stock market.

Just last week, a release arrived trumpeting a new name for San Diego’s LPGA tournament. It did not cut back. It expanded from Kyocera Inamori Classic to Red Robin Kyocera Inamori Classic, a change that plays into the fact that I think such titles are all for the birds.

Neither the Shearson Lehman Hutton Open nor the Red Robin Kyocera Inamori Classic suggests in title where in the world these tournaments are being held, which could be Tallahassee or Corpus Christi as far as the fan in Peoria knows.

Thank heaven that Mutual of New York is willing to settle for MONY in front of Tournament of Champions.

The Holiday Bowl has been the Sea World Holiday Bowl, but the latest word is that Sea World is willing to bow out to a buyout from a sponsor willing and able to kick in bigger bucks. This, of course, could lead to the game being called the Holiday Inn Holiday Bowl . . . or maybe the Holiday on Ice Judy Holliday Holiday Bowl.

San Diego State offers corporate sponsorships of both specific programs and individual games within those programs.

In basketball, for example, I suppose it costs more to sponsor a game with the Robert Redford Sundance Brigham Young University Cougars or American Tobacco Company University of North Carolina Tars and Nicotines than it would to sponsor a game with the Log Cabin Maple Syrup University of Vermont Catamounts.

Obviously, the world is changing.

This plague has even reached the high school level, where an athletic director called to plead that a corporate sponsor should be included in the name of one of the traditional basketball tournaments hereabouts. And teams are no longer the champions of the CIF San Diego Section Playoffs, but rather the Reebok CIF San Diego Section Playoffs.

Where to from here?

I can imagine the headlines, news stories and broadcasts of the future.

Let’s super-impose the present on the future . . .

News Story

CARLSBAD, brought to you by Car Country--A Miller Genuine Draft Haircut Store Miller Barber Chip won the Mutual of New York Tournament of Champions on a Sunday afternoon sponsored by Sunkist at the Mitsubishi Sanyo La Costa Resort and Country Club.

Headline

Great American Sponsorship

Brings Walsh to Chargers

Broadcast

Jerry Coleman: “The Padres are getting into a bit of trouble here, but Mark Davis is throwing up in the Rolaids bullpen.”

Rick Monday: “Yes, and this malaprop was brought to you by Berlitz School of Language.”

Headline

SDG&E; Buys Rights

to Jack Clark’s At-Bats;

Link With Power Said Key

Telecast

“Schroeder is back to pass . . . he’s being chased . . . look out for Lee Williams . . . Schroeder tries to scramble . . . he can’t get away . . . Williams drags him down for a loss of 13 yards . . . Wow!!! What a play!! As you can see on your screen, this sack was brought to you by Vons.”

News Story

Trader Jack McKeon and the Padres obtained Dale Murphy from Atlanta and Mike Pagliarulo from the New York Yankees in a 3-way, 7-player deal, sponsored by Kobey’s Swap Meet and the Pennysaver.

Broadcast

“The Aztecs are setting up for the extra point try, which will be sponsored by . . . wait a minute. This sponsorship is still available. For details, call . . . “

Some of these things may seem ridiculous, but think about it. Look what we already have.