Las Vegas Makes Safe Bet by Closing the Books on Rose

What are the odds that you couldn’t get a bet down in Las Vegas on an important sporting event?

In this case, the event is the Pete Rose Derby. The big question of the baseball season is what fate will befall Rose after the inquisition into his alleged gambling. Will Pete be cleared of all charges, or will the evidence dictate that he be fungoed out of baseball forever?

In Nevada, where prostitution, nuclear testing and riding motorcycles through the air over fountains are all legally encouraged activities, the gaming commission won’t allow the sports books to take bets on Rose.

“We can’t take action on anything that can’t be proven on the field of play,” says Russ Culver of the Golden Nugget Sports Book.

In other words, you can’t bet on anything involving voters or judges. You can’t lay money on who might win the Cy Young Award or the Oscar for best actor, or on whether or not Pete Rose will fry like a Chicken McNugget.

You can only bet on legit sporting events, such as Robbie Knievel’s motorcycle jump.

One Las Vegas sports book posted a betting line on the Knievel jump: “4 1/2 broken bones.”

Of course, under the posted line was the disclaimer: “For entertainment only.”

A little Las Vegas humor.

Now we know why the Angels didn’t win a pennant in the last seven seasons. Catcher Bob Boone wouldn’t let the Angel pitchers throw inside.

It’s a tribute to the character of the pitching staff that the fellows could allow their careers to be threatened by this questionable strategy and not say one word to the press or teammates. Seven years of silence. Ghandi could have taken inner-peace lessons from these guys.

Burning question: What was Gene Mauch doing all that time? Was the Little General sitting on the bench thinking, “Gosh, maybe I should say something to Bob about how he’s destroying our ballclub.”?

If you subscribe to the Boone theory of Angel failure, you probably save your empties for the Beer Can Fairy.

I’m really trying to understand, and cultivate an appreciation for, the new athlete, but Tony Mandarich is going to take some work.

Mandarich is the 6-foot-6, 315-pound Michigan State offensive lineman just drafted No. 2 overall by Green Bay. Based on what’s being written about him, Mandarich makes the Boz look like Gregory Peck.

The most endearing thing I’ve read about Mandarich is that he and his weight-training partner do squats until they regurgitate, striking a blow for the work ethic. Of course, the 19 zillion milligrams of caffeine Tony ingests before each workout, in liquid and tablet form, may contribute to the upset tummy.

Tony vehemently denies using steroids, but then one symptom of steroid use is vehemence. Regarding future steroid use, though, Mandarich told Sports Illustrated, “I might.”

But not with lunch.

Are L.A. sports fans getting out of hand?

The Forum hockey fans are gaining fame as the loudest in the National Hockey League. At Sunday’s Laker game, a policeman told me during the first quarter that he and his boys had already broken up several fights in the stands. “We usually only get fighting like this at hockey games,” he said.

And now the Dodger crowds. Last Saturday, Kevin Mitchell of the San Francisco Giants got what proved to be the game-winning hit at the Stadium. Then, slightly ill, he jogged to his position in left field and lost his lunch.

Asked later if this might have surprised the fans in left field, Mitchell said, “I wish I could’ve thrown up on them.”

All Mitchell needs is a few training sessions with Tony Mandarich.

Speaking of new trends, yet another beefy male athlete has been accused of punching a female’s lights out. Georgia Tech linebacker Kevin Salisbury allegedly broke a woman’s nose with a haymaker during a restaurant fight.

Remember the good old days, when men were men, and men punched men? What a bunch of chauvinistic pigs we were, but gee, I miss those days.

I knew there was a reason I like hockey.

Glad to see the Dodgers are going to honor Pedro Guerrero before the game next time the St. Louis Cardinals are in town.

Exactly what they’re honoring him for, I’m not sure. Maybe for the contribution he made toward last season’s World Series championship by leaving town.

Pedro has already served warning that he is writing a tell-all book about his days laboring in the Dodgers sweatshop. He’ll probably go into gruesome detail about the time the Dodgers asked him to please report to spring training when the rest of the team did, or the time they asked him to please get in shape, or the time they asked him to please play third base.

Nevertheless, it will be hats off to Petey, and has anyone seen my squat rack?