The Hidden Architectural Treasures of Downtown Los...

The Hidden Architectural Treasures of Downtown Los Angeles--shame on you, if you thought there weren’t any--is the theme of three tours of the Los Angeles Conservancy preservation group next week.

Absent from the list were the freeways, the Triforium and the old headquarters of Chicken Boy.

Instead, the conservancy, for $7 a thrill, will allow you to spend half an hour behind the mysterious doors of:

* The 66-year-old Biltmore Hotel’s Presidential Suite, resting place of numerous White House occupants, not to mention the Beatles (a 1960s musical group).

* The 61-year-old Oviatt Building’s Art Deco Penthouse Suite (sorry, the putting green and swimming pool have been removed).

* And the Transamerica Tower and its 30th-floor Observation Deck.

The Biltmore and Oviatt visits are at noon Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively, while the trek to Transamerica begins at 5 p.m. Thursday.

The conservancy had originally planned a midday event on the Observation Deck, but a reconnaissance mission showed that the orangish-brown horizon is no treasure at that hour.

“At 5,” a spokeswoman noted, “the sky does clean up a bit.”

Speaking of architecture, one of Signal Hill’s most famous sites--a liquor store with a make-believe oil derrick on the roof--is up for sale.

The art world can relax, however. Bill Westby, who is retiring as owner of Oil Patch liquors, says that a condition of any sale will be that the structure must stay intact.

Westby, the former building director of Signal Hill, and his wife, Diane, designed the facade 15 years ago in honor of a nearby well that burned down.

“My wife and I wear derricks around our neck,” Westby said. “We love oil fields.”

Almost as well known as the derrick are the colorful half-century-old signs that decorate the outside walls. They carry such messages as “Boots & Coots Oil Well Fighters and Blow Out Specialists,” “Dewey & Bob’s Mixed Concrete” and, in a bit of irony, “Unfit for Drinking or Domestic Use.” Oil Patch became an instant tourist hit, even meriting a place in the semi-scholarly architectural guide, “California Crazy.”

Perhaps the greatest tribute, Westby said, came from “a Texan who saw it and went home and built one like it outside Houston.”

If the Vice President is looking for a house in Southern California, he might feel most at home in Mt. Washington. Burns Lee points out that the neighborhood is graced by both Danforth Drive and Quail Drive. If Quayle is looking to rent, there’s a Bush Way in Culver City.

An Alpha Beta driver on the 210 Freeway either didn’t know or didn’t care that someone had painted over one letter of the market’s slogan on the side of his truck.

So it read: “TELL A FIEND.”