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Accuracy Isn’t Overrated, Just Misunderstood

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A continuing feature in The Times is the Fish Report, bearing the cool reminder, “Any responsibility for accuracy is that of the landing operator.”

As a disclaimer, this is fair, but it isn’t enough, explaining the presence here of one selling a slick package to establish better verification.

Through methods developed by the National Football League, the daily report will be broken down into fish distributed, fish in attendance and unused fish. And you will be assured that when you read 233 rock cod, 225 red snapper and 11 skipjack tuna were taken, by God they were taken.

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If they weren’t, landing operators will be read their rights, as a police chief in Mexico once confided he read rights to those in his custody. Said he:

“You have the right to remain silent, if you can stand the pain.”

Verification has been a specialty here, beginning with an investigation at the Forum, where a study is under way to determine the sociological benefits of charging people $90 for a decent Laker seat.

For courtside, the tab has escalated to $350, with whispers heard it will grow to $500 next year. Why do you think Jack Nicholson made “Batman?”

He did it for money to see the Lakers.

Operator of the enterprise, Jerry Buss rejects charges he is running the biggest gouge in the history of local sports. What he is doing, he explains, is arranging for the peasantry to get into the stadium at all. For maybe $11.50, a client can be accommodated in El Segundo for a game taking place in Inglewood.

“Are you sure I am helping the poor?” asks a guy who pays $90 and has no writeoffs.

“You are helping the poor and someone more important,” Buss tells him. “You are helping me.”

Scaling the house as he does, and still selling out, Buss leaves you to ask admiringly whether the wrong guy over there is named Magic.

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Well, it now develops the San Diego Padres are for sale and Buss is a serious bidder, thanks to the poor people Laker season ticket-holders helped. San Diego needs Buss, because it isn’t paying enough for tickets.

Painted often as a town of pensioners and military, the place stands on the doorsill today of shedding forever that minor league cloak.

“Sell to Buss,” the owner of the Padres is implored. “Give us the chance to to pay 90 bucks for a seat. We can do it.”

Next to be verified is the case of Fernando Valenzuela and whether he is selling himself short, demanding only $6 million from the Dodgers over the next three years.

Inspecting the record of this entertainer, you find he won five games in 1988, the same number he won at Guanajuato in 1978.

Guanajuato reposes in the Sierra Madre where, you’ll recall, Bogart got his hands on a lot of gold, but blew it.

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Fernando was so upset that he vowed one day to avenge the loss, and he goes after the Dodgers for $6 million.

But is he asking enough?

For winning five games in ‘88, he was paid $2.05 million, meaning the Dodgers skinned him in ’89 when, for $1.85 million, he won 10.

What he deserved last year, for twice his production of ‘88, was $4.10 million, leaving you puzzled why he would come in so low in the new contract he is asking.

Regrettably, the Dodgers have lost their appreciation for one winning 15 games over two years, and they also forgot that in the 21st inning at Houston, Fernando comes in to play first base.

Have you seen Nolan Ryan at first? Bret Saberhagen? Did you ever see Warren Spahn there?

If the Dodgers want to pay Fernando a million a year, as they propose, they have only 2 1/2 wins coming at the rate at which he has been known to work.

So how does life relate to the Fish Report they run in this section? It tells us the danger of yielding first-count.

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If, for instance, Tommy Lasorda reports his weight at 179, it will be noted by this monitor that any responsibility for accuracy is that of Lasorda.

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