Auerbach Drove Him Out of Town

It was tough year for Bill Fitch in New Jersey, but the coach of the Nets said he’s a survivor.

When the Nets last played in Boston, Fitch recalled his years as coach of the Celtics.

“Four years of cigar smoke nine hours a day, and I’m alive,” he told the Providence Journal.

“And I rode around this town for four years with one of the worst drivers in the world, and I survived.”

The cigar smoker, obviously, was Red Auerbach, president of the Celtics. But who was the driver?

“Auerbach!” Fitch said. “Why, the kamikaze pilots in World War II took lessons from him.”

Today’s quiz: Q. When Atlanta Brave Manager Russ Nixon said, “This is by far the best team I’ve ever managed,” how is it that the city didn’t applaud?

A. Because Nixon has managed four teams, two at Cincinnati, two at Atlanta, and all four finished last.

Trivia time: When Tom Niedenfuer delivered the fatal pitch to Jack Clark, what was the count?

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: Tracy Ringolsby of the Dallas Morning News came up with this statistic: The last four opening-game starters for the Chicago White Sox were traded before the season ended.

Tom Seaver (1986) went to Boston, Richard Dotson (1987) to the New York Yankees, Ricky Horton (1988) to the Dodgers, and Jerry Reuss (1989) to Milwaukee.

This year’s opening-game starter was Melido Perez.

Stop the presses: From the Akron Beacon Journal: “The Atlanta Hawks suspended mascot Harry the Hawk for a game when he dumped water on some fans who were cheering for Charlotte. Meanwhile, in Charlotte, Hugo the Hornet quit in a dispute with owner George Shinn.”

Now-it-can-be-told Dept.: From Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder John Cangelosi, recalling his struggle to make the club in spring training: “I was signing autographs, and some guy said, ‘If you don’t make the team, can I have your cap?’ That’s the coldest thing I’ve ever heard.”

No tears: From Oakland Athletic pitcher Dave Stewart, applauding the city’s decision to pull out of the Raider deal: “I’m a die-hard Raider fan, don’t get me wrong, but I remember 1982, when Al Davis packed up shop and took off. Let him go to Sacramento or even Baltimore.”

Making his mark: Gary Player, on U.S. Amateur golf champion Chris Patton, who weighs over 300 pounds: “That’s the only player I ever saw who takes a divot just standing there.”

Trivia answer: It was the first pitch.

Quotebook: Reliever Dan Quisenberry, on his contract with the San Francisco Giants: “It has options through the year 2020 or until the last ‘Rocky’ movie is made.”