L.A. police searching downtown for a female...

L.A. police searching downtown for a female fugitive had a couple of good clues:

--She was last seen driving a police car.

--She was wearing handcuffs.

It all started when the woman was arrested for allegedly buying drugs on South Main Street. She was handcuffed from behind and placed in the rear seat. But officers said that while they were taking the names of two men at the site, she apparently managed to maneuver her hands to the front. Next thing the cops knew, she was roaring off in their nice black-and-white coupe. Oh, yes, the keys had been left in the ignition.

The car was found a few blocks away. The woman was nearby. She had stripped down to her bra and panties in an unusual effort to disguise her appearance. But the shiny bracelets gave her away.

Spring is in the air again, so it’s time to turn to L.A. Weekly’s singles ads. As a public service for the complicated sexual world of Southern California, L.A. Weekly offers five categories: “Men Seeking Women,” “Women Seeking Men,” “Men Seeking Men,” “Women Seeking Women” and “Either.”

One “Either” carefully states: “Attractive, masculine person seeks feminine person.”

Another “Either” writes: “Wanted: Good tennis player. Male or female.”

The latter is obviously interested in some mixed singles.

There’s no truth to the rumor that Only in L.A. has placed a May 9 deadline on the Malathion Poem of the Week competition.

The latest artist to come whirring overhead is Michael Shinabery of Duarte, with this untitled work:

‘Twas once a fly called Med

California fruiters wanted dead.

Poison was sprayed from the air,

Citizens called: “Unfair!”

While huddlin’ under covers in bed.

This is the expurgated version. You will be able to find the entire work in “The Golden Treasury of Malathion Poems,” once we find a publisher.

Stan Rosenfield of Beverly Hills wonders if it’s too late for Us magazine to change its name. He wrote a letter on his computer that mentioned the publication. When he activated the grammar/spell checker on his machine, he was advised to use “we” instead of “us.” At least it wasn’t Oui.

Judging from the accompanying photo, you could be excused for getting the impression that the city really didn’t want you to park during daylight hours on Broadway near 9th Street. One bicyclist apparently took no notice, though.

All together, now:

M-I-C-K-E-Y-L-A-W-S-U-I-T:

Darlene Gillespie, ex-Mousketeer, filed a lawsuit against Walt Disney Productions in L.A. Superior Court Thursday, claiming that Disney took advantage of her young age when she signed a contract in 1955 to perform on the Mickey Mouse Club TV show.

Disney promised Gillespie that “she would become a well-known artist,” the lawsuit said, but her career never blossomed like that of Annette Funicello, the beach movie star.

A Disney lawyer said the company had not seen the lawsuit but added that this would be the first suit against the company by a former Mouseketeer.

Obviously, Darlene no longer holds her banner high! High! High! High!

MiscelLAny:

“Excessive Noise Prohibited” signs outside the 2nd and 3rd street tunnels downtown were placed there because residents in the nearby high-rises had complained of loud honking. Beeping in excess of 86 decibels is forbidden.