He’s Going Coconuts About Being a Ram

Bern Brostek is no dummy, but talking to him in person suggests the presence of a ventriloquist in the near vicinity.

Brostek’s face, from pudgy cheeks to crew-cut top, is pure Spanky. Our Gang Goes Circuit Training. But the voice, that voice. Hear it once and you wonder where the luau went. Brostek looks Iowa but speaks Island, reciting, in convincing fashion, the wonders of poi and his recipe for Kalua pig.

A one-man melting pot, Brostek is part Russian, part Hawaiian and soon-to-be full-time Ram. He was born and raised on the island of Oahu, just outside Honolulu, and though he spent the last four years at the University of Washington, Brostek still leis his hat at home in the Manoa Valley.

Suffice it to say, no NFL rookie enjoyed a better view of draft day than Brostek. Hundreds of others had nothing but Mel Kiper’s hair. Brostek had Diamond Head.

Soon after the Rams made him their No. 1 selection, Brostek spoke with reporters via transpacific telephonic hookup. He talked about sun and sand, about body surfing, about roasted pig and about how glad he was that Green Bay didn’t draft him.

“I don’t want to be wearing my wet suit in Wisconsin,” he joked.

With the possible exception of San Diego, Brostek couldn’t have hand-picked a better spot to begin his career as a professional interior lineman.

“This is just like Hawaii,” he said Thursday after his first workout at Rams Park. “Look at this sunshine. It’s terrific. I’m definitely going to have to check out the beach.”

And check out some surf shops. Brostek is planning to spend the next month in Orange County, through the May mini-camp, but with Bern, it’s never all business and no play. A new hobby holds his interest and all he lacks is a long board that can hold his 300 pounds.

“I’m primarily into body surfing,” Brostek says, stating the obvious. “But I’m getting into surfing. Right now, I’m looking for a big board, one of those tanker boards. Something that can handle the weight.”

Ram Coach John Robinson would prefer Brostek wait. Like until he’s 35. The Rams have had first-round draft choices wipe out before, but never in the literal sense.

“Coach told me to stay away from the waves,” Brostek says, smiling. “He said it’s too dangerous. But as long as I keep my focus on football, if I take a weekend and go to the beach, I think that’ll be OK.”

Brostek is distinguished by another characteristic. As you may have heard, it involves his back. The doctors of the Buffalo Bills flunked Brostek after his pre-draft physical, citing the strange formation of the disks at the base of his spine. Brostek has a congenital back defect and the Rams drew predictable criticism when they opted to risk the disks.

The Rams, however, retaliated with some statistics. Brostek, they pointed out, didn’t miss a Washington practice in three years and started 41 of the Huskies’ last 42 games. And the game he sat out was prompted by a sprained knee, which is not located anywhere near the spinal column.

“It doesn’t bother me,” Brostek insists. “My doctor says the muscles in my lower back have compensated. They’re stronger than those in most people.”

Brostek says he was unaware of the condition until he experienced some soreness in his back after throwing the shotput in the sixth grade. “The doctor showed me the X-rays and explained what it was,” he says. “He didn’t tell me to do anything differently. He just gave me some calcium pills.”

Brostek went on to star at Iolani High School in Honolulu, winning state championships in the shotput, discus and wrestling, along with the interest of most major West Coast football programs. USC, UCLA and Washington went after him hard. So did the University of Hawaii, which is located only minutes from the Brostek home.

“Hawaii was really ticked off I didn’t go there,” Brostek said. “And I wanted to stay close to home. But my dad kind of pushed me to go to Washington. He said, ‘You’ve got to get out of here and experience things. In Hawaii, you have a sheltered life. Go away to school. You’ll always have Hawaii to come back to.’ ”

Still, cold, rainy Seattle was a shock to Brostek’s system.

“The winters were hard,” he says. “It was OK when you played football, but after the season, you’re not as occupied. It was hard to sit inside and watch the rain come down. I’d get cabin fever.”

Brostek survived by taking a little Hawaii with him wherever he went. He devised a way to make a favorite dish, Kalua pig, in an oven. The traditional way is in a beachside pit. “I cook it in tea leaves and tar leaves, sprinkle a little Hawaiian salt,” he says. “It’s not authentic, but it tastes close.”

He plans to try it out on his new teammates, although after surveying the expanses of Rams Park, Brostek suggests that “maybe we should have a luau here. We can dig a pit in the practice field right over there.”

It’s food for thought, anyway. And you have to figure Robinson wouldn’t mind.

Good draft pick, this Brostek. The Rams’ image, bland as they come, always has been lacking a certain something and now we know what it is.

A little Hawaiian punch.