Snooze Alarm: Saints Putting Fans to Sleep

The Phoenix Cardinals can be a massive headache--this week, especially.

By denying the New Orleans Saints a touchdown in the Louisiana Superdome today, the Cardinals can keep perhaps a few people in New Orleans celibate.

After the Saints were held to four field goals in their opening-night loss to the San Francisco 49ers, radio personalities “Steve and D.C.” of WMXZ-FM announced they would abstain from sex until the Saints scored a touchdown. They invited listeners to do the same.

Last week, the Saints lost to the Minnesota Vikings, 32-3. Cold showers were recommended. Bruce Bond, program director for the station, said: “We’ve had zillions of calls. . . . Now, we’re trying to get the whole town to do it, and we’re trying to get the Saints’ attention so they’ll go out and score a touchdown and win a game.”

Trivia time: Former Chicago Bear running back Walter Payton threw 34 passes and completed 11 for 331 yards. How many touchdown passes did he throw?

Still in a trance: Heavyweight Jerry Quarry, 45, whose application for a license was turned down Friday by the California Athletic Commission, arrived at the Commission meeting Friday with Guy Ditmars, his trainer, and Sam Carraway, a hypnotist.

Said Carraway, who has been working with Quarry for the last month: “He’s not the same person he was when I first started working with him. Before, I think he felt it was a hopeless situation.”

Mark this: Followers of the Mark Spitz fantasy camp might have noticed Thursday’s announcement of the qualifying times for the 1992 U.S. Olympic swimming trials.

To qualify for the trials, Spitz will have to swim the 100-meter butterfly in 55.59 seconds, only 1.35 seconds slower than the world record he set in the 1972 Olympic Games in Munich.

Spitz, who will be 40 in 1992, is training under UCLA Coach Ron Ballatore, but has yet to compete since his comeback began last year.

Splendid span: On this day in 1957, Ted Williams of the Boston Red Sox ended a streak in which he set a major league record by reaching base safely in 16 at-bats. The streak included four home runs, two singles, nine walks and one hit-by-pitcher.

Easy come, easy go: Preparing for the inevitable, Lou Brock released an “official statement” Friday, telling how he feels now that Rickey Henderson is about to break his record for stolen bases.

An excerpt: “Just like Halley’s comet, which has come and gone twice in the 20th Century (1910 and 1986), stolen base No. 939 by Henderson in 1990 will also be the second time in the 20th Century that the all-time stolen base record has come and gone. In 1979 my stolen base No. 938 broke Billy Hamilton’s 1901 record of 937, which was the first time in the 20th Century that the all-time stolen base record had come and gone.”

Trivia answer: Eight.

Quotebook: Oakland Athletic infielder Mike Gallego, after a reporter wrote that the A’s have former All-Stars at every position except shortstop: “I was an All-Star in Little League.”