Diller’s Pet Projects May Raise Eyebrows

Phyllis Diller is odd.

After an impeccably served lunch of roast turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy on a screened-in patio overlooking the green acreage of her Brentwood estate, Diller asked her secretary Ingrid to fetch her pets.

Ingrid dutifully arrived carrying a clear plastic box about eight inches square with air holes the circumference of a wooden pencil.

Carefully setting the box on the table, Ingrid stepped back.

“Aren’t they beautiful?” Diller asked, delighted by the arrival of her pets.

Crawling around in the container were three of the ugliest creatures on this planet.

Their hard-shelled backs, multiple legs, lengthy feelers and sinister heads bespoke a mad scientist’s genetic laboratory disaster. They were greenish-brown, almost four inches long and utterly repulsive.

“They’re Madagascar cockroaches!” Diller said. “I’ve named the little darlings Manny, Moe and Jack.”

The Madagascar cockroach is to the common American cockroach what King Kong is to a gibbon.

Warned that if the creatures multiplied, Southern California could become an environmental wasteland, Diller said not to worry, “They’re all males.”

After playing with the atrocities for a moment, Diller turned her attention to her business enterprises.

Although she continues to make millions from comedy appearances, resorts, TV guest shots and movies, she is one of the most successful businesswomen among Hollywood’s performers. She runs seven separate companies.

There are PhilDil Productions, Phyllis Diller Theatres Inc., Rockingham Productions, Diller Art Inc., Phyllis Diller Creations, Philli Dilli Chilli and La Vie Beauty Products.

“I’m putting together deals for a chain of Phyllis Diller Theatres with attached restaurants,” she said. “Not dinner theaters, because that is too distracting. We want to serve meals before and after performances.

“The theaters would mount many new plays and most of the shows will involve comedy. The first theater will be in the Tampa (Fla.) area. I will have my own theaters where I can appear.

“Rockingham Productions is for movies. Our first one is a Western, and I don’t want to tell the title.

“PhilDil is for producing my live comedy shows. Philli Dilli Chilli is my brand of chili and other food products for supermarkets. The art company is for the sale and distribution of my paintings and reproductions.”

Diller oversees her far-flung financial empire under the supervision of top-flight executives in each of the divisions.

“I’m only called in for making important decisions,” she said. “I’m good at making up my mind. I say a bad quick decision is better than a good slow decision.”

Diller was interrupted by the raspy scrabbling of Manny, Moe and Jack in their confined quarters.

“You may find this hard to believe,” she said, “but you can really become attached to these things. Look, I think they recognize my voice. I really believe they like me.”