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BETTING WITH JANICE : Take My Husband . . . Please!

The response to our effort to find a suitable challenger to compete in the Betting With Janice column met with enormous response. More than 375 said they could handily beat Janice Goldinger.

Perhaps the most amazing thing, the judges said, was the overwhelming number of those who said they are consistent winners at the track.

“If so many people can win at the track,” asked one judge, “then, first, what are they doing working real jobs, and, second, how can the tracks stay in business?”

The winning entry was chosen partly because of its simplicity of thought and conservancy of language. It was written by Dee Michaels of Tarzana.

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“I’m writing on behalf of my husband,” the letter read. “He has all the qualifications and thinks he’s a real hot-shot handicapper. And to add insult to injury, he also thinks women are not as good at it as men. So please, show him a thing or two. I’d be forever grateful for his comeuppance.”

Marty Michaels, a broker, will make his first bet in Wednesday’s paper.

The judges were impressed by many of the entries. Another one that stood out, but had to be disqualified because it exceeded the 100-word maximum, was written by Jay DeLeonardis of Westlake Village.

It reads in part:

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“Everyone thought she would end up in hock

when she first took on the dreaded SURELOCK.

But after two wins her horn she did toot

when SURELOCK said, ‘Does not compute.’

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Janice knew the competition was tough

but she also knew she had the right stuff.

She realized she had really found the key

when she defeated the famous Bob Mieszerski.

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They lined up the handicappers and sent them at her

She said, ‘Keep ‘em coming, it doesn’t matter.’

When next in line was ole Pat Ray

she said ‘Go ahead, make my day.’

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Now the boys were really uptight

They searched and searched ‘til they found Jon White.

But this time Janice was a little cocky

and her only loss left her somewhat rocky.

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Having felt the agony of defeat

She stood her ground and planted her feet.

Ignoring comments now being made of her,

she made short work of the well-known Bob Baedeker.

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One again she was back on track

ready to face a brand new pack.

And she started this new spree

by putting away one Brad Free.

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The next one was easy, she could sit back and be lazy

her opponents’ bets were absolutely crazy.

She didn’t even have to try and win,

she just let Bob Selvin do himself in.

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Janice was now feeling she couldn’t be hurt

and started viewing competition as desert.

She said, ‘It’s like eating ice cream by the gallon’

after soundly defeating Mr. Paul Allen.

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But there’s no anger like a woman scorned,

I want another bout with Jon, she warned.

This time she was ready for the fight

and down for the count went Jon White.

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Jeff Siegel could be a tough act to follow

but then again, we won’t know ‘til tomorrow.

So the Times is looking to fill this seat

for the second half of the Del Mar meet.

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The seat has been filled. Let the best person win.


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