Southern California has no past.That’s what they...

Southern California has no past.

That’s what they tell you. But, class, it just isn’t so.

Open your textbooks to Page 1. What? Of course it’s blank. That’s what everything looked like before the Big Bang at the beginning of the universe.

One moment there was just this teensy pinhead of super-compressed matter. Then, blooie! The next moment--well, that’s the whole point, class. There was a next moment. Time began.

What did the Big Bang sound like? Well, think of the Big One that’s coming to Southern California in the future, assuming that time keeps ticking along.

For those of you who won’t even be able to hear that--the heavy-metal fans--there’s “Fires, Earthquakes and Hearing Loss,” a self-help lecture at 10 a.m. Tuesday at the First United Methodist Church, 134 N. Kenwood St., Glendale (free).

Fast-forward through saber-toothed tigers, Mulholland, Madonna. Now turn to the last page. What? It’s blank, too. How about that?

It’s that very same future we were talking about. Scary, isn’t it? Maybe the universe will run slowly out of gas. Maybe it will get squeezed back into another teensy pinhead. If so, will time stop again? How will this affect property values?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

But if anyone should know, it’s Stephen Hawking, the renowned physicist, Cambridge University professor and author of “A Brief History of Time.” This class will reconvene at Caltech’s Beckman Auditorium to hear Hawking discuss “The Future of the Universe” at 8 p.m. Friday (free).

Bring your notebooks.