Arnolds ‘In Motion’ : Roseanne and Tom make a movie for ABC in a year of constant change

Roseanne and Tom Arnold were, as usual, making out.

They were in the living room of a vacant Calabasas townhouse, waiting while the lights and cameras were being set up for the next shot of “Backfield in Motion,” their first-ever made-for-television movie. As crews hammered and sawed and hauled equipment all around them, they leaned against the wall, their arms around each other, nuzzling and smiling, whispering private jokes. Occasionally they would give each other a little kiss, stroke each other’s hair or pinch one another’s backside.

“Gee, honey,” Roseanne said, as dog trainers positioned a snarling Rottweiler on the townhouse patio where the next scene would take place. “He reminds me of you.”

If you thought that muskrat love, pinch-and-giggle act Tom and Roseanne do when they’re appearing on talk shows was just for the cameras, you’re wrong. The Arnolds, at least on the set, couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other. And if they weren’t touching, they were giving each other looks--nods and winks and eyebrow signals only they could understand. And when they weren’t making goo-goo eyes, they were insulting each other, sometimes for the benefit of the crew, sometimes just for themselves.

“That wasn’t very funny, honey,” Tom said, after a particularly intense dramatic scene in which Roseanne’s character, a widow, finally confronts her 15-year-old son, who’s resentful because they’ve moved to a small town, resentful because he doesn’t have a father anymore.

“It wasn’t supposed to be funny,” Roseanne shot back.

“Well, that’s good,” Tom said. “Cause it wasn’t.”

This is how Mr. and Mrs. Arnold, America’s strangest sweethearts, spent their summer vacation, four weeks of it anyway. And after sweating through June in Calabasas, her pretending to be a football-playing mom, him pretending to be a high school vice principal who’s sweet on the new widow in town, they renewed their real-life wedding vows, went on a 25-city stand-up comedy tour, lost a lot of weight, and came to the conclusion that they’d been abused children. They worked out the story lines that have propelled “Roseanne” back to the top of the ratings and were given the titles of co-executive producers. They planned HBO specials, cartoon shows and a sitcom for Tom called “The Jackie Thomas Show.” They read scripts for movies, including one Roseanne wants to direct. And, not surprisingly, they decided to take next summer off.

“Yeah, next summer we’re just gonna have a baby,” Roseanne said a few weeks after filming had ended, speaking by phone from a Cleveland hotel room where the Arnolds, in the midst of their stand-up tour, were registered as Barney and Betty Rubble.

“No, we’re gonna make a baby, hon,” Tom broke in. Roseanne, 38, already has four children from previous relationships and had her tubes tied years ago. But the plan, assuming things can be surgically reversed, is to get pregnant next spring and spend the summer relaxing and recuperating on the couple’s Iowa farm, as far away from work--and Hollywood--as they can get.

“Yeah, well anyway, next year, we’re not doing nothing. I don’t know why we did so much this year,” Roseanne was saying. “Me and Tom, we just function really good under stress, I guess. We’re like street hogs or something.”

The basic plot line of “Backfield in Motion” surrounds the formation of an all-mom football team, put together by a newly widowed woman who’s trying to earn her son’s respect and regain some of her self-esteem. It was Shelley Duvall, one of the executive producers of “Backfield in Motion” who two years ago suggested Tom and Roseanne for the starring roles. Roseanne, put off by the prospect of running around a football field in midsummer heat, initially said no. She eventually changed her mind, although there seems to be some disagreement as to why. Your honor, the transcript:

Tom: “We finally saw a video of some women who actually played one of these games, in Ohio or somewhere and that was what convinced us.”

Roseanne: “No, that’s not true. You messed up. It was because Shelley Duvall said we would be playing a romantic couple. That’s why we did it. I really liked the idea of Tom and me getting to fall in love and stuff. Big fat people in Hollywood don’t get offered romantic leads.

Tom (with a sigh): “That’s true, honey. But the only reason I even looked at the script was because of the video.”

Roseanne: “I never even saw the video. Tom just loves football so much. That’s it really.”

Tom: “Women in uniform. That was the basic attraction.”

If nothing else, doing a movie in which they’d be wearing short pants (and occasionally towels) spurred Tom and Roseanne into a diet and exercise regimen that they’ve maintained ever since. Tom Arnold, 32, has lost more than 100 pounds, Roseanne more than 60.

“We wanted to get in shape for the movie,” Tom said. “We don’t mind being regular fat people, but we were sick of being jumbo fat people.”

Physiques aside, what the Arnolds really want from “Backfield in Motion” is a chance to show America another side of their personalities. The movie, although loaded with slapstick humor, has a lot of tender scenes, many of them between Tom and Roseanne.

“A lot of people who have seen this are just in shock at how good Tom is,” Roseanne said, for once not making a joke. “I think people will see this and realize how much talent he has and they’ll see why I love him.”

And you could tell, from the way she said, it, that just at that moment, Tom and Roseanne Arnold were probably holding hands.

“Backfield in Motion” airs Wednesday at 9 p.m. on ABC.