An Author L.A. Loves to Hate

The newest threat to management guru Tom Peters is . . . Red Auerbach?

Next Monday marks the publication of “‘MBA,” a management tome written by the legendary Boston Celtics president with writer Ken Dooley. (The title stands for “Management by Auerbach).

Some of his observations:

* On the way some companies take over others: “I can’t believe it. They march in like Sherman through Georgia, walking over people, firing and demoting them without even giving them a chance. . . . You never see the Japanese do it.”

* On mascots: “Hey, you don’t see IBM or Federal Express selling their products or services with chickens.”

* On John Y. Brown, former Celtics owner, Kentucky Fried Chicken boss and Kentucky governor: “I had a fried-chicken expert drafting players and making trades. He was so good at it that he ran the Buffalo basketball team into the ground and nearly pushed me into joining the New York Knicks.”

Mum’s the Word

Jerome Schneider has made a lucrative business out of bank secrecy, selling personal offshore “shell banks” through his Beverly Hills-based WFI.

Now Schneider, probably the nation’s best-known and most controversial offshore bank promoter, has a new book out called the “Complete Guide to Offshore Money Havens.” The jacket promises “How to Make Millions, Protect Your Privacy and Legally Avoid Taxes.”

No surprise that the book contains a one-sentence qualifier in the beginning: “The names of individuals referred to in this book have been changed in order to preserve their privacy.”

Mixed Results

You won’t find it in the New England Journal of Medicine, but Menlo Park personnel firm Robert Half International is declaring a decline in the number of cases of “Merger Phobia.”

Only 45% of executives of 200 executives the firm polled in a recent survey say their biggest fear is losing a job due to a merger or acquisition. That compares to 54% in a similar 1989 survey.

The bad news: The number of executives who simply fear “being fired” nearly quadrupled, from 6% to 22%.

Briefly. . .

Shades of “Have a Nice Day”: Furniture seller Ikea says it is celebrating its first anniversary in Southern California with “big smiles from staff members.”. . .

Honolulu-based newsletter editor Bert Dohmen says, “In the current environment, I consider Russian roulette less risky than the stock market.”. . .

Semantics quibble: A question-and-answer sheet available at Bank of America branches insists that parent firm BankAmerica is not acquiring rival Security Pacific, just merging with it in the $4.7-billion stock swap.